Thursday, April 28, 2011

How our modern lifestyle goes against our nature... Part 1

I had suspected for a while, that our modern way of life (go to school, find a job, work from 9 to 5, go home, watch sports, sleep for however many hours you can each night, and do it all again the next day) goes against human nature. But if you're in the middle of it all, with a husband (or wife) who works long hours, and children who go to school, you don't think about it. Quite frankly, you don't have time to think about it.

That was me back in Phoenix. My husband left the house around 7am, came home at 7pm, played with the kids for an hour, then we'd veg out in front of the television for the rest of the night. Moving to Portland changed things around a bit. Ogre (for you new readers, this is my husband's nickname on my blog) works from home, generally eats all meals together with us, and sometimes takes off an entire afternoon to be with us. It changed our relationship (and yes, I'll be honest, it's sometimes harder to have him home all day long). I think we can honestly say that we know each other better after living like this for 5 years.

My homeschool community plays a huge role in my life. We spend a good amount of time, surrounded by other homeschool families. Our children are not raised by us only. They are raised by our community... our village, you might say. It helps us feel connected in an otherwise fairly disconnected world. We've often talked about how ideally we'd live in some sort of modern commune. Sure, we all like to close our doors behind us, when we're done with the day. But can you imagine the advantages of always having a friend nearby to help out, when you need them? You can eat breakfast at your own place or get together with a bunch of your commune member friends and eat as a group. Can you imagine a community garden, chickens, maybe even a cow... and you are not alone in taking care of it all.

Oh, I know, for most of us, it goes against anything we are familiar with, and the sheer thought might scare you, if you've never considered anything like it.

Fact is, we live completely against what is good and healthy for us. Yes, it's what makes our society work. But are we paying a price, that is ultimately too high? As I was starting to do more research around everything paleo/primal, I couldn't help questioning my way of life... but also that of our society in general.

In Part 2 of this post, which I will publish tomorrow, I will go into more detail about what exactly I mean, when I say we're doing everything wrong. Please don't misunderstand: I'm not promoting to change everything back to the way we lived 10,000 years ago. No living in caves and walking and hunting all day long. I'm simply going to give some food for thought, and I'll encourage you to put things into perspective. I'll be very curious to "hear" your thoughts.

For now, I shall get ready for bed. This primal gal likes to turn in early and wake up early.

Grok on!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Confessions of a sugar addict

Had you told me about a year ago that you thought I was a sugar addict, I would have laughed at you... (a little). I would have told you, that you're out of your mind and to mind your own business. And then I would have gone home, open the kitchen cabinet with my delicious candy and eaten it all. Of course it would have happened in "installments". That means, I would have cleaned, then returned to the cabinet, then unloaded the dishwasher, then returned to the cabinet... etc etc... until it was all gone. Then I would have felt guilty. I would have whined at my husband about how I just don't have any control over myself, and that something's gotta give.

A year later and about 4 months into changing not just my diet but adopted a whole new lifestyle, I know and admit, that I am terribly addicted to sugar. Sugar is the bad guy, sorry to say. It keeps you coming back for more. It messes with your body. And it is in just about everything. Oh, and gluten is also the bad guy, since we're at it. Because gluten gets converted into sugar, once it's inside our gut.

As you know by now, my cravings for sugar have disappeared, and I feel like a better human being all around. All is well. The End!

Wait, not so fast... while it is true that the cravings are gone, they are also not gone. How is that possible? Well, recently I found myself splurging a little more than necessary. A little chocolate here, a little piece of something there. Really nothing to worry about. I stayed with my 90/10 rule. Until yesterday... Yesterday of course, was Easter. And I'm a good Germany mommy, who only buys German crap for her children. Yep, aren't I all that and a bag of chips? I made sure to keep my children's Easter baskets small-ish. The rest of the candy, and there was plenty of it, I put... in the cabinet. Can you see where this is going?

I went for a 7.2 mile run with my friend in the morning, felt like a vegetable for the rest of the day. Later in the afternoon, everyone was out and about. The kids were playing with their friends, my husband ran an errand, and I watched "Father of the Bride". And then I remembered the chocolate in the cabinet and decided there really was nothing wrong with having a piece or two. Well, a piece or two turned into a binge of gigantuan proportions. I felt awful, was ashamed of myself... and flushed down the sorrow with a glass of wine, and another one.

Wow, didn't see that coming at all. It hit me like a brick smack in the middle of my face (and my poor, achy stomach). After 4 months of living a really awesome paleo life, I have to admit to myself, that I still need to refer to myself as a sugar addict, and that, in order to keep living my life the way I want it, I have to stay from the sugar trap for good. Today I'm still feeling a little sick to my stomach.

But what's probably the most important about it all... I had to forgive myself. It happened. Nothing I can do about it. Now I have to move on. I had eggs for breakfast and a cup full of blueberries. Delicious. I'm going to be drinking plenty of water. My body is craving it.

Have a great Monday, everyone. And if you splurged yesterday, well, so be it. Get over it and move on. :)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Farmers Market and Grass-Fed Meat

I know I was going to post some recipes this time, but here is an article I wrote for a magazine that they ended up not wanting. ;)


Once upon a time I lived in a world ideal for any paleo being. The small Southern German town I called my home consisted of 800 people, young and old, two farms, a butcher, a baker, and a cemetery. Every other evening my brother and I were sent to the farm to buy raw milk fresh from the grass-fed cow and eggs from happy pastured chickens. Frequently the butcher drove up to one of the farms, picked up a cow or other livestock, killed it right behind his shop, and sold the fresh meat to us. We grew our own vegetables, and whatever we couldn't grow on our own, we bought at the farmers market or directly at the farm.
Really only one thing was wrong with this idyllic picture. We ate bread for almost every meal, pasta, rice, and potatoes the rest of the time. Growing up and moving to Arizona, had me stray far from the beautiful world I grew up in, and only when I moved to Oregon, did I return to the roots (sans grains and sugar) and learned just how important these things I used to take for granted really are for my own family and for so many people around us.
Our local farmers' market starts in May and goes on all summer until early November. Every week, Oregon farmers sell their delicious produce and grass-fed meat to eager consumers. Sure, your lettuce may cost a tad more than the one you buy at the store. But not only is it larger (and organic!), it is also the product of hard labor. During an enlightening conversation with one such farmer, who I'm also proud to call my friend, I learned just how many hoops a farmer has to jump through in order to sell produce and other products at the farmers' market. From a number of certifications (such as egg handlers license and meat handlers license among others) to proving that your scale is accurate, farmers have to provide all of this information prior to applying for a stand at the farmers' market. In addition, most farmers' market managers will ask for a sample of the produce to be sold at the market, before they give their approval. Of course none of this is free to the farmer. How much does the average farmer make during the summer season at the market? Not as much as you might think. According to my friend a better year will bring in around $5,000. Not enough to make a living and feed a family, and often a small farmer has a regular day job in addition to the work on the farm. So why do they do it? “Because it's the right thing,” says my friend who believes with all of her heart, that the farmers' market is so much more than just a way to purchase food. It brings together a community. It's a social event inviting locals to hang out, listen to the bands, eat lunch, and truly appreciate the good things in their lives.
My children love our farmers' market and are always impressed by how much better the fruits and vegetables taste, compared to what we are forced to buy from the large grocery stores in the winter. We happily spend a few bucks more, if it means we can offer a little bit of support to those local farmers, who work hard all year to bring us nature's gifts.
Two years ago a new vendor set up stand at our farmers' market. He sells fresh, organic meat from pastured animals only. Of course the benefits of eating grass-fed meat are too many to count. Grass-fed meat looks and tastes better than grain-fed meat. But what's more important, cows for instance, were not intended to eat corn or other grains such as soy. The meat from grain-fed cows is much higher in omega-6 fats, and this imbalance ultimately poses a health risk for the human consumer. In grass-fed cows the omega-6 to omega-3 fats ratio is the recommended 3:1. Additionally grass-fed beef is a rich resource of CLA (conjugated linoleic acid) which, evidence suggests, can reduce the risk of cancer in humans. Add to that a number of other vitamins and minerals contained in grass-fed meat of any kind, and you have enough reason right there to buy grass-fed meat only.
These are all benefits to the modern hunter/gatherer. But what about the cows, chickens, pigs, and other animals? They still get killed, right? Well, yes, it's a world of eat and be eaten. Watched a lion take down an antelope lately? Were he a human, we'd be raising our torches and pitchforks and screaming at the inhumane and brutal killer.
Pastured animals live a rather happy life. They get to see the light of day, eat grass, and develop normal animal behavior as opposed to their feedlot counterparts. A feedlot cow for instance spends a good six months locked in a feedlot with approximately 100,000 other cows. They stand around in their own manure day and night, barely able to move, and they eat. Their diet consists of 95% grains and plenty of antibiotics to kill the dangerous e-coli bacteria, a bacteria most would not develop in the first place, were they actually raised on pasture. Unfortunately the conditions those cows are forced to live in make the use of a variety of antibiotics absolutely necessary for their survival (before we kill them), but at the same time humans' resistance to antibiotics is on the rise as a result to consuming this meat.
The average feedlot cow dies at 14 months of age in a slaughterhouse set up to kill 250 cows per hour.
So why is it, that most of the American population still walks into a grocery store and picks up whatever is on sale? You might call them ignorant or lazy. Maybe they are, but maybe a lifetime of hearing “that's just how it is” has shaped them into who they are today. I will not be the judge of that. The fact is, we are seeing an overwhelming amount of overweight and obese people all around us. Conventional wisdom has not served us well, and it is time for us to open our eyes to this truth and learn to think and act on our behalf and that of future generations.
Wouldn't you love to send your child to buy eggs from happy chickens and buy your meat from the local butcher who bought the cow from the local farmer? Of course, the majority of us will never have the opportunity to do so, and quite possibly some of us don't want to either. But the benefits of living intentionally and buying locally are obvious to all of us. So what can you do?
Find a farmers' market near you. You can start here: http://www.localharvest.org/.
Eat organic, grass-fed meat. If you don't have a health food grocery store nearby, check out http://www.marksdailyapple.com for a listing of states, where cowpooling (you and a number of other people buy a whole cow and share) is available. Another great source is http://www.americangrassfedbeef.com, offering a wealth of information, store locations, and the opportunity to order online if you just can't find a good supply nearby.
Think you can't afford to live like this? Think again! Chances are, as a paleo person you are already spending less on grains, sugars, and alcohol. The cost of those foods does add up quickly. If you create a meal plan once a week and shop for food with “portion sizes” in mind, you are much less likely to over-buy. Learn to cook smaller meals, or have the delicious leftovers for breakfast. Don't care for leftovers? Freeze a full meal for another day. Many other food items, such as coconut oil, can be bought at a discount if you buy in bulk. It will reduce your cost in the longterm.
When it comes down to it there is only thing left to say, and I'll say it with the words of my farmer friend, “It's the right thing.”

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

How do I get started? (Paleo is not that difficult!!)

First let me tell you a little about my last two days. Monday night I went out and had Thai food for dinner. I drank a cocktail, and later I ate some chocolate and drank some wine. Mind you, these days I don't eat the delicious German milk chocolate anymore. I eat dark, organic, fair trade chocolate.
I will admit that my dinner wasn't entirely paleo, although eating Thai generally makes it easier to opt for paleo meals. Well, my dinner consisted of mostly meat and vegetables, and a little bit of gluten... and corn. My drink, I'm sure, had plenty of sugar in it. It was delicious though. I had a blast Monday night. It was all around a wonderful evening.

And then Tuesday came around. And I was still doing just fine... until about 4:30 in the afternoon. That's when I started feeling sick to my stomach. I was nauseous, could barely eat my very healthy dinner, and spent the rest of the evening in bed. Needless to say, I'm feeling just fine today, after using the restroom about 5 times this morning. Food poisoning? Or gluten poisoning? I guess I can't be 100% sure that this had anything to do with what I ate 24 hours earlier... but it sure seems like it could be the case.

Soooo... how to get started on this paleo lifestyle? First and foremost, ask yourself the question, "Do I really want to do this? Am I ready?" If you find a bunch of excuses for why you can't stick with it, then maybe it's not time for you quite yet. Or maybe you need a step by step approach... starting with cutting out the grains (CUT THE GRAINS, I'M SERIOUS!), then the sugars, the starches, the legumes. But, if you feel you're ready, this is how you can proceed:

1) Is your family on board with this? Then clean out the pantry. Get rid of it all! All the things you no longer need, why keep them around?
If the family is not on board, well, explain to them why you're going paleo (and who can argue with a happier, healthier parent and spouse!), and that you need them to support you. This means, they eat what you cook. If they choose to fill their bodies with things you can no longer eat, have them NOT bother YOU with it. They're perfectly capable of eating crackers and cookies without your help. ;)

In my case, my family is not really on board with me. Well, my husband is. My daughter is kinda sorta... but my son really dislikes this lifestyle. That's perfectly fine by me. My take on it is, I'm doing this for me right now. I'm leading by example, and I know that the good example I'm setting will eventually rub off on them. I know in my gut, that all of them will eventually understand and appreciate this lifestyle and will join me.

2) Remember the 80/20 rule? Okay, people... let this not be misunderstood. I'm not talking 80/20 each day. I'm talking 80/20 forever. If you eat well 80% of the day, and then stuff your faces with junk at night, you are going to boycott yourselves. Don't do it. My single, most important piece of advice I have for you is to go cold turkey and stay that way for at least one month. You will eliminate cravings! You will no longer feel like you must have that sugary pastry, that bag of chips, or whatever it is that is "dangerous" to you! After your first months, after you've created good habits, that's when you can allow yourself that occasional treat.

3) Surround yourselves with people who think alike. If you don't have those people around you, join an online forum, or well, read my blog and leave comments, and ask for advice. I'll be happy to answer your questions if I can. Doing it completely on your own can be tough. But with a support system in place it will be much easier. You'll feel good about yourself.

4) Read! The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson is a great book, so is Robb Wolf's The Paleo Solution. Check out Mark's Daily Apple  every day for a new blog post. His posts are down to earth, sane, well researched and easy to read. And there is an entire section with success stories for those days when you just need to read about someone who did it. The Before and After pictures are spectacular in some cases.

5) Be prepared for snack time. This is what I found the most difficult, when I started this lifestyle. No more pretzels, no candy, no chips, no sandwiches, no crackers. Yikes!! How will you survive? Well, it's really not that difficult. A handful of almonds (choose raw almonds and soak them!), a celery stick with a teaspoon full of almond butter... Heck, have a couple of strips of bacon, some fruit, some vegetables. Just make sure to always have some protein with your snack. You will feel more filled and last longer until your next meal. But also, if you eat a big enough meal for lunch with food that truly satisfies your hunger, you may not even need that snack.

6) When it comes to preparedness, a shopping list for the entire week can be really helpful. Make a list of meals you'll prepare throughout the week. Remember breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Shop accordingly. You can also cook in advance. If you cook a bunch of chicken breasts and refrigerate them, all you need to do is make a salad, warm up the chicken, et voila, a delicious lunch is served. The same goes for burgers. Why make burgers for just one meal? Make enough for three meals. Then have one for breakfast, together with a cup of broccoli or cooked spinach or salad.

7) Must have treats? You can! Paleo people are incredibly resourceful! :) Banana bread muffins (made of almond meal, bananas, honey, baking powder, baking soda... and you can add dark chocolate chips or walnuts to the mix) are a decadent treat and will be sure to satisfy your craving. Almond balls with figs and coconut flakes... yum! I will post recipes for these treats tomorrow. Now, remember! This is a treat!! Don't let this turn into a habit, especially if you're trying to lose weight.


8) Limit your fruit intake. Don't get me wrong. Fruit is delicious, and you should have some every day, preferably as berries. Blueberries are especially good. But don't overdo it with the fruit. It's full of fructose. And you don't want too much of that in your diet. Go for the vegetables whenever you can.

The Paleo Diet is not a diet. It's not a fad. It's a lifestyle. You're making this change for good. You don't have to do it for just a little while and then go back to your old habits, only to realize that it's not working, and then you'll go on yet another diet. It's not necessary. :)

Have you seen the light yet? ;-)

Tomorrow's post will include some yummy recipes for you.

Monday, April 18, 2011

What's Paleo?

Occasionally people like to poke a little fun at me, because I'm not "really" eating like a caveman. After all, I eat chocolate, I use olive oil, and I'm making a mean Spaghetti sauce. Yeah, and I drink tea from a beautiful cup, I wear clothes, and I live in a house, too! Imagine that! I'm a 21st century human being, and I couldn't help being born into this time. It just happened.

Of course, we all know by now the health benefits of dark chocolate and red wine. There is no arguing with facts. I'll say, though, that I've been using a lot more bacon grease than olive oil lately. Bacon makes everything better. And when I say everything, do take it literally please. Bacon makes chocolate better! It's that good.

Okay, well, what's the Paleo diet? Basically you eat what caveman did. Meat (yes, the human species survived because we were eating meat! Look it up. It's a fact.), vegetables, some fruits, nuts and seeds. And no matter how much fun people poke at you, go ahead and have your glass of wine and that delicious piece of dark chocolate.

10,000 years ago, humans started settling down. They started farming, raising animals, and everything changed right then and there. Over the past 10,000 years we've turned from strong, fit, and healthy to... well... look around you. Double burgers, fries, soda. A day's worth of calories in one meal. Grocery stores are three times as big as they need to be. Grains, sugar, starches fill the center aisles, and we are made to believe by conventional wisdom (don't you hate those two words?), that this is what makes ours a healthy diet. Add high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners to the mix, and you have a recipe for disaster.

But don't take my word for it... look around you. Really observe! Who do you see? What do people look like? How do they feel? Or read some of the amazing success stories on Mark's Daily Apple. The Paleo Diet (LIFESTYLE) is not just a fad. It is here to stay. And please don't tell me that I'm ruining the environment by eating meat. By growing wheat, soy, corn and other crops humans destroyed precious wetlands, nature preserves, and killed off wild animals in the process as well... but hey, it's good for you, right? Okay, no need to dig into this subject any deeper, but if you are really interested, I highly recommend the book "The Vegetarian Myth". It is an exceptionally well written book by a woman who was a vegan for 20 years. No, it's not just about vegetarian bashing. This is an amazing book and offers ideas and arguments.

So, how do you do it? Doesn't it take an amazing amount of willpower? Well, yes, it does. Especially if you are, like me, a bit of a sugar addict. I went cold turkey, because I knew something was wrong with me. But, amazingly, when your head is in it, together with your body, it's really not as difficult as you might think.

1) Stop focusing on all the wonderful things you can no longer eat. If you stop thinking of them as wonderful, you will not struggle so much to give them up. As a matter of fact, after a few weeks living the paleo lifestyle you may just allow yourself a treat. So you buy a bag of crackers, and you eat them all up. They're no longer satisfying your taste buds. And afterward you'll feel like crap. Believe me, I've been there and done that.

2) Check out the long list of things you CAN eat! Meats, fish, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds. Yum! Do a Google search for Paleo recipes. There are so many of them out there.

3) Eat quality food. Yes, you'll end up paying more for grass-fed meat, for eggs from happy chickens, for organic vegetables and fruits. But at the same time you will no longer spend money on bread, flour, soda, candy, rice, and whatever else it is you filled your kitchen pantry with. You don't need it anymore.

4) Drink when you're thirsty. Eight glasses of water a day? It's a myth!

5) Exercise, but not too hard. Don't worry that you won't lose weight. You will!!

6) Resist temptation. I'll admit that in the beginning this is a tough one. There will be plenty of temptations. And there will be the nay-sayers, who will first try to talk you out of doing "this weird paleo thing". Sooner or later you'll be admired for being so strong and driven, and they "could NEVER  do it" (Hmmm, reminds me strangely of the homeschooling conversations I used to have with people). If only they knew how good you feel, and how healthy you are, and how you're really not missing anything. :)

7) Go for the 80/20 rule. Even though you're not missing anything (okay, so the occasional bag of potato chips sounds pretty darn delicious), you do live in the 21st century, and you know all about sweet, sugary treats. You may want to go out with your spouse for that anniversary date and have a couple of drinks. I DID! :) Stick with the paleo lifestyle 80% of the time... allow yourself a treat every now and then. No guilt. No excuses. Just live and enjoy.

I generally aim at 95%... I just feel better that way. I don't like the icky feeling I get after indulging in too much sweetness. It works for me like this... and you'll find your way as well.

My next post will be: How do I get started?

Have a wonderful day.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

How going Paleo changed everything...

On April 3rd I ran a Half Marathon... my first race after going Paleo. At the beginning of my Paleo journey I told everyone, that the night before the race I'd eat a nice, big bowl of pasta... because that's what conventional wisdom recommends for the evening before the race. Load up on carbs, and you'll be fine.

And then my Paleo lifestyle changed everything. I learned to eat without all the grains, sugar, and dairy. I learned, that the human body was not made to digest any of those foods, and while some may live the high carb life just fine and without any side effects, I started looking around me, and realized, the majority of people don't. (Yep, there, I said it!) I had eggs and bacon for breakfast, or steak, or chicken, or whatever else I had left from dinner. I became a completely new person, one who no longer needs to load up on pasta, to run a good race. I eat plenty of vegetables, meat, maybe some fruit. For breakfast on my race day I ate a banana. Then I craved meat all day. And I ate and enjoyed every bite of it. I finished my race 10 minutes faster than last year's.

Today I ran a 10k in my Vibrams. Yes, I finally got rid of my running shoes. They were slowing me down. They felt like bricks on my feet. I ran this 10k a full 30 minutes faster than my last one. What an accomplishment. I'm still on a Runner's High... and best of all, I'm not hurting. Nothing hurts today. I feel just the way a healthy human being should feel.

But what else has changed for me, you ask? Well, let me fill you in.

1) I am no longer the sugar addict I used to be. As I was struggling to get my children to eat a healthy diet (or what I believed to be a healthy diet), I also sneaked chocolate and candy on a daily basis. What a liberating feeling to have this chocolate bar sitting in my cabinet without feeling the urge to eat the whole thing right here and now.

2) No more 15 day periods. This may be a taboo subject to some. But I have to mention it here, because this is probably the biggest and most important change I've seen, since I changed my diet. I struggled with long periods for 8 years! It's crazy going from doctor to doctor, only to be told that "nothing is wrong with you physically," or "Face it, nature hates you." Nature hates me? Really? Less than 4 months after changing my diet, I am regular. I have 5 day periods... and they are no longer accompanied by a big, bloated belly and diarrhea (grossed out yet?).

3) 22lbs! That's my weight loss. I've been told by a number of people that losing this much weight in such a short time is not good, not healthy. Well, the fact is, my body was simply waiting for me to do the right thing. Once I did, it knew what to do. Dropping this weight was so easy, I'm still in disbelief! I didn't count calories, I didn't count points. I simply ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. You can't do it, you say? Well, I dare you to overeat on meat and vegetables.


4) I sleep. You know, as in real sleep. As in close your eyes and sleep, and wake up rested. It's amazing to sleep like this.

5) I run. I run the way I should be able to run. I don't feel pain. I don't want to quit. I feel genuinely excited about running a Half Marathon. I was born to run. My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great (etc) grandfather had to outrun his dinner. How lucky am I that he passed his genes on to me?

6) I enjoy my food a lot more than ever before. I taste a glass of wine, and my taste buds go crazy. A little bit of Parmesan on my Spaghetti was always delicious, but now it's simply divine.

7) And finally, I really do no longer need to be shopping in the center aisles of the grocery store. Keep your grains and cereal and processed foods. I'm no longer your slave.

Oh, I know, plenty of people will tell me (and have told me), that they could never live without _________________ (enter your preferred conventional wisdom food here). It's your choice. It's not that you can't. It's that you won't. And that's perfectly fine by me. I'm not here to convert you. I'm simply telling my story.

Enjoy. :)

My blog entry tomorrow: What's Paleo? And how do you do it?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What to do? Delete my blog?

As the weeks pass me by I find myself frustrated yet again, because I'm not writing anything here. I can't even say why I am frustrated. It's just a blog, right? So I could just write something every now and then and be okay with it. Right???

But the truth is, it just doesn't work like that. Blogging is a lot more than just writing a post here and there for yourself. Might as well just write stuff into your diary. Blogging is about the community. You blog, people read you, they comment, you comment back, you read other people's blogs, you comment there. And that's where the problem is... I don't have time for that. I have a family, two children, I homeschool, I wrote a book (which I'm ready to self-publish in about a week!), I do a lot of reading about the paleo lifestyle, I run... Oh, and there's this thing called my household, and it's NOT pretty, let me tell ya.

So technically I could just quit my blog and go on with my life. But why then can't I seem to get myself to do that? And why can't I find a purpose for this blog? My friend Shady Lady, for instance, she has given her blog a purpose. She posts about unschooling, and it's good.

What do I want to write about? I just don't know.
Yes, I realize this is a great problem to have. Yes, yes, I'm not starving, I have a great life... get a grip already, right? I am so pathetic... ;-)