Always question authority

Last night we held another secular parenting discussion group at our house. We use Dale McGowan's Parenting Beyond Belief, an excellent read for parents who strive to raise their children without the influence and indoctrination of religion.

One of the essayists in the book explained that he and his daughter had two rules in their family: 1) Always question authority. 2) When in doubt refer to rule #1.

Ogre was the first to admit how difficult it was to live by this rule, when he himself grew up in a household where Dad made the rules, and you obeyed the rules, or else... My own parents were a little more relaxed about the rules. They could be stretched and even challenged by us kids in some occasions. But if they were set, then my dad used threats to ensure we understood just how serious he was about the rule.

Not surprisingly I went out and drank and smoked and spent all my allowance on crap, because those were the strictest rules, and I was threatened that I would be thrown out of the house if I was ever caught with a cigarette. Needless to say I was never thrown out... because my parents never found out.

Ogre and I are both trying very hard to raise our children to think for themselves rather than to blindly follow whatever rules and restrictions we impose on them. Rules are never established without explanation, and "because I said so" is a phrase we try to avoid, even though we are both guilty of using it occasionally.

Ideally, by the time my children are teenagers, we can have heated debates conversations with our children, where both us as parents and they as children have a say, and where we reach conclusions and agreements that are acceptable (and lawful) for all. We work in this already, and most of the time the children are appreciative, and some of the time they will blow up, throw a tantrum and contemplate their terrible lives.

The fact is that children know instinctively (in most cases) what is reasonable. And if they don't, they will learn. It's a process, and we're here to help them, not to slow them down, not to limit them. I do hope that I can come out on the other side of child rearing and give myself a pat on the shoulder and say "Mission accomplished"... with bumps and bruises. :)

The stage awaits me...

Toothless Fairy decided to perform in the talent show at Village Home this coming Saturday. This is our yearly fundraiser. We start with an auction kick-off event, and all the lovely homeschoolers (unsocialized and shy) will perform for an audience of approximately 200 people. There will be Shakespeare skids, dancing, singing and so much more. We have a band of talented young musicians who will rock the house.

But to get back to Toothless Fairy. She wants to sing in the show, and realized that she might like some support from.... me. Toothless Fairy is quite the little singer, and she prefers to sing harmony. And so she asked me if I would be willing to sing "You are my sunshine" with her. We started singing that song together when she was only two years old. How can I refuse to sing on stage with my little girl? So I agreed.

Our first rehearsal was last week. No microphones yet, but about 30 people in the audience listening intently. Toothless Fairy held me hand, leaned on me for a little support, and we sang. We were both nervous, but I reminded my girl, that this audience is here for our support, not to judge us. There is really nothing to worry about. Even if we did a sucky job, they would still applaud.

I know all of this to be true... and yet I can't help but swallow hard at the thought of the crowded room, staring up at Mom and Daughter, as they sing the song that has so much history in our family. This afternoon is another mandatory rehearsal, and this time we will sing with microphones. Maybe I'll sneak in some booze to calm those nerves? :-)

Wish me luck, people. :)

And also, check out our online auction items that you are welcome to bid on, if you feel so inclined. It's for a fantastic cause, if I say so myself.

Bidding for Village Home, the greatest homeschooling resource center ever.

I want that house!!

House hunting is not exactly one of my favorite things to do in my spare time. Especially not when I forget my $800 camera in the UNLOCKED car, and have it stolen after a mere 10 minutes in the house. A bitter, nasty side effect of house hunting that I would gladly pass on.

But let's leave aside the minor detail of losing "my baby", and let's leave aside the fact that house hunting is no fun, when you walk into a house that is so filthy that you warn your children NOT to take off their shoes for fear of cockroaches crawling up on your feet. (Yes, we actually did see such a place. It was the place that had the lying pictures on the RMLS.)

After looking at only six houses (I realize some people look at dozens!) we found a candidate. It is large, sits on a large lot, with all wood floors downstairs, a lovely deck overlooking the whole neighborhood and the beautiful hills in the distance, and a jacuzzi. The house is empty, and it would need painting and new carpets upstairs. The house is also bank owned, and the bank is a bitch, who won't let us do a real inspection (to see if there is any structural damage), until the deal is closed. Smart bank, huh? One would think that they are just hoping to get rid of that place. But they are making it so difficult, that only a seriously interested buyer would go through all the trouble of purchasing it.

The thing is, I want that house. It feels right. It looks right. It's the perfect place for our family. I could live in that place for a very long time. So if it was up to me, I would go ahead and pick a fight with the bank. I can only assume, that they would be interested enough to actually sell the place, if they see, that someone really wants it. What do you think? Any experiences? It's not like there are tons of buyers running around just waiting to get their hands on this property.

Currently I'm waiting to hear from my REALTOR who is trying to get the bank to agree to let us dewinterize the house (which would make sense anyway. Winter is just about over... and when you look at the cherry blossoms in Portland you might think it's April). So send me all your good vibes, energies, thoughts and whatever it is you are willing to share... because I want that house!!

Unschooling...

There has been a lot of talk about unschooling in my community lately. Shady Lady posted about it. We discussed the subject at Village Home, and last night I got together with a friend who has finally found that unschooling is the way to go for her family. Our own homeschooling journey has of course led us down many paths. School at home, homeschool, unschool, and everything in between. We had to try things to find out if they were right for us.

And over and over again I came to the conclusion that the more unstructured we worked, the better my kids liked to learn. When I chose more structure again, it brought with it the frustration and defiance I remember from school. I mean which school kid wants to sit in school all day and then come home and do homework? Even those who claim they enjoyed school went through rough times when they found it difficult to study, because it was a forced studying. And when you actually do enjoy a subject you're not allowed to research it in depth, because you have 5 other subjects to cover as well... and only a limited amount of time for each.

Our homeschooling went through ups and downs and recently we hit rock bottom. I was ready to just sign them up for school. They had no desire to do anything with me. They hated to sit down and do the work. A little bit of this... a little bit of that. Never enough to get into something, never enough to actually find enjoyment in what they were doing. Because we had a schedule, and we were going to meet our goals.

Shady Lady's journey seemed similar to mine. She bought curriculum, borrowed hundreds of books from the library, and jumped in, thinking that somehow her unschooling approach wasn't quite right for them. Needless to say the enthusiasm about their more structured approach didn't last. Shady Lady and her daughter were just as frustrated as we were a couple of weeks ago. She found her way back to unschooling and truly believes that this child led learning is the way to life long learning.

As I'm doing my own soul searching, I find that I agree with her. I find that my children learn best when they are not forced to. To better understand what unschooling means, I will explain a little here. The term unschooling means you follow no set curriculum. You don't have any formal school lessons. You don't force knowledge on your children. Unschooling does not mean that your child will not learn anything. Because children are naturally curious about their surroundings. They learned to walk and talk at their own pace. They learned to use the bathroom when they were ready. In unschooling you trust your children that they learn everything else at their own pace as well.

Yes, you provide them with all the materials they will need when they find an interest in something. You will likely be known by your librarian by first name. You will have hundreds of library books in your house at any given time, and late fees will be second nature to you. ;-) You will take them on field trips to all kinds of interesting places, and chances are your children will find something about any given place that they like, and you will be more than happy to find more information for them. Unschooled children will often research a subject for weeks on end. Because they can! Because they want to! Because they love it!

Children are not naturally lazy. They are made lazy by a system that forces them to do a certain thing at a certain time, only saved by the bell, that dictates, when you are done and must be ready for a new thing only 5 minutes later. I strongly believe that. I have seen both sides. I hated school and would have been incredibly grateful to be homeschooled.

So I am going to choose this approach again for my children. I will provide them with everything they need and want to learn and grow. And I have good friends to thank for helping me return to this point. I think good times are ahead. :-)

Rambling on...

1) Pictures lie. Sometimes pictures make ugly things pretty, and pretty things prettier. Looking for houses based on RMLS listings is difficult. You look at the pictures online and love it. You go to the house and it's a shack!

2) We have looked at three houses so far... Already I'm feeling a little worn out. I fell in love with a place yesterday. Went home, checked out the booklet they left for prospective buyers in their kitchen, and noticed there is no A/C in the house. In Germany that would be okay, because houses are built differently. Here... not a chance. :( Bye bye house. If the house was cheaper altogether, we might be willing to put in an A/C. But at the price they're asking it would be too expensive.

3) Toothless Fairy has discovered math. Math used to be the difficult subject. Yesterday was a big "aha" day, and so she took out her book at night after dinner to do math. This morning after breakfast she took it out again and worked for another 20 minutes.

4) Blue Eyed Boy would like to play the Wii all day long please. Ideally we would put a pipeline from the kitchen to the living room, so he can eat every now and then without having to interrupt the game. I tried to give him more freedom with the screen time, because it worked for Shady Lady and Princess. It totally backfired at me. Blue Eyed Boy will NOT STOP EVER!!

5) Secular parents, if you would like to participate in a survey conducted by Foundation Beyond Belief you have until Friday to do so. Secular parenting survey.

6) It appears I have to work out three hours a day and skip all wine, beer, and chocolate if I ever want to lose even a single pound. Frustrating, that.

7) I can now run 6 miles! Almost halfway there to the 13 miles half marathon in April. One would think I'd be dropping weight... (yes yes, I know, it's all muscle weight, and that's great and awesome! Shut up, will you??)

8) 35 and pimply.

9) I love my life in spite of it all. :)

10) This writing thing is still not going anywhere.

11) I have the coolest friends ever. Thank you, friends!!

Chocolate, roses, sappy cards...

Ah yes, it's Valentine's Day... day of love and romance... day of expensive red roses, pralines, and sappy Hallmark cards. They started putting up the red and pink heart decoration the day after Christmas, I swear, because really, there is nothing we'd like better than to buy chocolates and cards and little cute cups with hearts and teddy bears saying I love you or Be Mine right after Christmas... for the next two months. Yep, gotta love it.

Now here's the problem with this. I walked past the Valentine crap stand bravely every time I saw it, cuz if I didn't I might actually break down and get that totally adorable awful crappy little Mon Chi Chi bear and pay way too much for it, and then have it sit on my nightstand and collect dust.
So I was brave. I didn't even look. (I may have glanced, but that's not the same as actually looking.) The days went by and all was well... until yesterday.

Because yesterday I walked into Target with Blue Eyed Boy to buy a birthday present for one of his friends. Hordes of people piled up in front of the Valentine's cards. And that is when it occurred to me, that today, on this February 14, 2010 is my 10 year engagement anniversary. Yes, 10 years ago on this very day, Ogre took me out to a fancy little restaurant. After dinner he pulled out a piece of paper with a poem he had written. I was so happy and teary eyed I forgot to say yes.

Well, much as I would have liked to try and fight my way through the hordes, I had no time. We were running late for a birthday party (why do I always have to buy presents at the very last minute??).
I drove Blue Eyed Boy to the party, had to leave about an hour later to meet with our Realtor to look at a house, that had looked pretty decent from the pictures but turned out to be a piece of crap. Talked to the Realtor for a while... then picked up Blue Eyed Boy from Shady Lady's house, because she had taken him home after the party (thanks!!), sat on her couch for a while (attacked by her dog) to tell her about my awful house experience, then drove home to make dinner.
Then we watches Spaceballs, because that is one heck of a funny movie, and before I knew it it was 10pm.

And so it happens, that it is Sunday morning... Valentine's Day, and I have absolutely no sappy card for Ogre... no chocolates, no flowers, no idea even what to do for a special breakfast. Ashes on my unworthy pate.

Can we postpone Valentine's Day? How's next weekend? I mean 10 years and a week is still acceptable, right?

Well, ya gotta hand it to the Duggars...

... as they welcomed their 19th child to their ginormous family, born prematurely (15 weeks early), they must have one heck of a sex life. No really, think about it. I have two!! I have long days filled with... well... kids and laundry and cooking and such. By the time the kids are in bed I'm so tired that the mere thought of any physical activity makes me want to crawl into bed, pull my blanket over my head and pretend I'm asleep. And I don't even have to. Because I actually do fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Now imagine 19 children!!

Baby 18 was born in January 2009. As I'm doing the math in my head and think of all the physical and biological changes a woman's body goes through right after pregnancy, I also remember that the last thing on my mind after either of my children were born, was sex. Even IF I believed in any supreme beings who wanted me to get with it, I'm afraid I'd have to politely decline and ask to be given the appropriate amount of time to bond with my newborn baby and settle in, and be the best mom I can be... all while being shaken by raging hormones and leaky boobs.

I wish nothing but the best for litte Josie, and I do hope being born so early won't have any lasting effects on her health. As for her parents, buy a TV, damn it. I wish Mama Duggar would give herself a much needed break, so her body can truly recover from the stresses of pregnancy, and so she can actually truly be a mother to that little one.

Jump right in or process first?

So I want to go on a cruise. A homeschooling cruise with the whole fam damily. The homeschooling cruises are really reasonably priced, and we need a vacation badly. And I'm not saying a camping trip with the trailer, that involves packing the trailer, buying the food, cooking the food, cleaning out the trailer, unpacking the trailer, washing all the dirty laundry.... You get the point. I love camping. Very much so. But the fact is, we haven't ever gone on a "real" vacation. You know, a vacation where you get pampered. Where the only thing you have to worry about is whether to have grapes or oranges for breakfast.

I get easily excited about stuff. Show me something cool, and I need about ten minutes to know exactly that this is what I want (or not). Heck, it took me 2 seconds to say yes, when my husband proposed ten years ago.

I don't like to spend a whole lot of time thinking through an idea... then thinking it through again... and then considering what might go wrong, or trying to come up with reasons why it's a bad idea. I suppose my gut feeling usually doesn't fail me, so jump in and swim, right?

Well, the man I'm married to doesn't function this way. He needs all the information, look it through, calculate, process, and yes, sometimes it seems like he is actually trying to find reasons against something. I'm not holding this against him. He is the way he is, and I suppose that in a way my jump right in attitude and his let's think and process this first attitude mix well, although I'm certain he gets as frustrated with my approach to new idea as I get frustrated with his hesitation.

I still want to go on a cruise. I want to spend the day with other homeschoolers, do workshops, hang out by the pool, see nothing but ocean around me, and eat without having to cook and clean up the kitchen afterwards. So all I need to do now is to create a portfolio with all the necessary information and pricing, then present it to the boss for consideration. I shall keep you posted. :)

Harriet Tubman and Slavery

When we go to the library I usually select books to read fairly randomly. Sometimes I have a specific subject in mind, but more often than not I try to come up with ideas for what to do with my children.

Last time at the library I borrowed a book called "An Apple for Harriet Tubman", which describes the life of young Harriet as a slave, and how apples played a role in her quest for freedom.
While reading the story we wanted to find out more about Harriet Tubman's life and found a quiz, and more info at Enchanted Learning.

Then we looked up Underground Railroad, and found this awesome activity on Teacher Scholastic. You can follow a slave on his trip from a plantation to freedom in the North. It is called Underground Railroad - escape from slavery.
You can read or listen to the text, look at pictures/slideshows, and at the end you can even write a coded secret letter. The information is pretty extensive, and we actually had to break it up, because the kids were starting to get a little antsy after a while. But that's the beauty about it. You just stop and come back later.

My daughter was quite upset by some of the things that happened to slaves, and I think it's most definitely one of the most important subjects to teach children. Go check it out.