So I read a blog post this morning from a mom who has received a letter from her school, informing her, that soon her daughter's 4th grade class will have sex education. She seemed a little freaked out over it, and asked her readers for comments.
First I skipped the comments altogether, and wrote about my experience with Toothless Fairy, who wanted to know all about sex about a year ago. She had heard about it, she wanted to know, what happens, how it happens, and she wanted answers now. I gladly obliged. She and I drove to the library, checked out some books, and at home we sat down and talked about it. Very easy and pain free. She giggled a little, but generally just listened carefully. End of story.
Then I decided to read the comments on the other blog post after all and was astonished to see just how many moms were not only a little concerned, but found the topic of sex education so scary, that one wrote she was in tears and called her mom.
I was puzzled after reading all the "Oh my god, this is totally freaking me out" comments. I'm not sure why sex education is such a huge issue. If treated like any other subject, the child will learn where she came from, that billions of humans do it, and have done it since the beginning of time, and that they will have to do it someday if they want to procreate. My guess is that no 8 year old or 10 year old will run out, grab the next best boy or girl and try it. Sex education is like knowing math, absolutely vital.
Children are not dumb. They understand risks. I certainly knew what I was doing when I had my first time with my boyfriend at the tender age of 16. Yes, we used condoms, and I quickly got on the pill. This may seem preposterous for some, but it beats the heck out of teen pregnancy. ;-)
Treating sex like it is something dirty, unnatural, and something that has to be kept a secret, will result in children who will go out and explore without telling their parents, and without the proper precautions. Of course they will. Heck, MTV is doing an entire series on "16 and pregnant". You've seen them do all kinds of silly things as little kids, when you told them, they were not supposed to open that drawer, or they were not allowed to do this or that. Curiosity is powerful.
And to the lovely mommy who wrote the blog post, I hope you don't mind that I made this a subject on here. I purposely did not mention your name or blog. :) All will be well... and yes, I do recommend that you be the one to educate your daughter beforehand.
I think we are conditioned as parents to fear this milestone just like every other difficult stage of a child's life. It's just sex. It's no more frightening to me than the terrible twos (or threes or fours).
ReplyDeleteJust 20 minutes ago, I was sitting at a stoplight thinking that I have to have this conversation with my 8-year-old daughter very soon. Certainly not something that I'm against, but something that I'm not really looking forward to.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is a constant questioner asker. I kind of dread standing in line at the grocery store taking on dozens of questions.
Guess I better start talking and talking and talking and . . .
Great topic! I think it is easiest for kids and parents when this is an ongoing subject, rather than a "one big conversation" approach. I think they will come up with questions later, as they think and learn more. It is important that they feel that they can ask these questions at the dinner table, not just during a private conversation.
ReplyDeleteI was determined to do differently for my children than what was done for me. The topic of sex was horribly embarrassing for my mother and I was intensely curious.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about it over the course of a couple days here
http://amimental.blogspot.com/2009/04/so-what-did-your-mom-say.html
and here
http://amimental.blogspot.com/2009/04/now-dont-blame-my-mom.html
If you don't want to go read those, I'll condense them.
We never had 'the talk'
I'm like you. Answer their questions. Talk about sex in the same tone you'd use to talk about trees or dinner or a television show.
Don't make it mysterious and freak out.
Children are curious about everything.
And yeah. Teaching them to protect themselves is really, really important.
And dont trust the schools - the schools here in virginia are so big on abstinence eduction, that they have convinced the kids that condoms are NOT effective! I kid you not!
ReplyDeleteI start young w the book 'where did I come from', which I bought when I was CONSIDERING getting pregnant w my second, and follow up w a puberty book for each kid. And then I talk about sex so much that my kids beg me to shut up. But thats just me .. . not necessarily a role model or anything
My only issue with this is the fact that it means that Princess is growing up. She is still such a little girl and has so far expressed no interest and has had no questions. When she has the questions, I am certain I will handle the situation much like you did. The fact that she will one day be eight is the hard part. Oh my gosh! Eight! She's got six months until seven and I am savoring every young moment. My response on that blog was that I was putting my fingers in my ears and la, la, la, la, la, la. I would do the same thing at the thought of her doing anything that a "big kid" would do. Heck, you know me...I'm a little attached. ;) Princess is growing up so fast. I would like it to slow down...just a little bit. Pretty please???
ReplyDeleteGood advice! You make sound so easy though. My parents never had the talk with me and left it up the school to do the sex education. I hope to talk to my girls about it when they are ready but what if they aren't ready for the talk before they are bombarded with misinformation from their friends? Stressful!
ReplyDeleteI'm with those who say it is a repeating conversation as the kids have questions or we see things in the media that need to be corrected. And since we are a household in the throws of puberty there are "how your body/world is changing" books all over the place.
ReplyDeleteI don't get the fear of the sex talk either...I have started two now (one is an on-going...the other was to a foster child is now nearly an adult) and it just didn't seem like that big of a deal. I bet that when parents make it a big deal, the kids are more likely to explore in a risky way. Maybe not...I don't know. Anyhow, I would much rather my kids know everything about sex than not...and I would rather they get accurate info from me any day!
ReplyDeleteOr I guess I could just toss them a Penthouse and let them figure it out the old fashioned way....well, maybe not
Beautiful advice! I totally agree. And why not teach them young and in an informative way? Better than them learning from friends.
ReplyDelete