My husband wants me to tell you...

... that he is much more sensitive than I am. He says, I severely lack the ability to be diplomatic. And I have to admit(ashes on my worthless head), much to my own surprise, that the man is right. I may disagree with him on many levels. He's strictly rational, I am very emotional. He needs things explained, I don't (uhm, well, some things I do need explained too). He cleans up half the kitchen and lets the recycling bin under the sink overflow every time.
BUT, and I must say, Ogre has shown amazing patience for me in this regard, he NEVER gets annoyed about my complaints when I have yet again struggled with my diet and exercise... and he always offers support and advice. Thank you, Ogre.

As for me? I suck in that department. I generally am the nurturing one, the supportive one. I try to understand, I listen and am supportive, and I give advice.

And yet, when Ogre recently stood in front of me and recognized his jeans were getting too tight, and he needed to lose weight, I said (cold hearted and mean as I am), "No kidding." Wow, how is that for failing in the diplomatic department? And then again, I kind of meant it. ;) I thought his belly was getting too big. Hey, I have to live with the man and look at him for the rest of his life, right? (Okay, sad sad excuse.... and still....)

All of this could be rather humorous, if it wasn't such an eye opener, a reason for improvement, and also for reflection. I'm asking you, readers, what is more important?

Diplomacy or honesty?

Are you allowed to tell your spouse, when you think he/she is getting too big, too sloppy, too hairy (extend the list with other things that might bother you in your relationship)?

As a woman, do you want him to tell you honestly, when your butt looks too fat in your favorite pair of jeans?

Marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. You spend most of your adult life with the same person, and you get to know them inside and out. Does that mean you can get more honest and less diplomatic over the years?

Finally, if your significant other told you they should lose a few pounds, would you honestly tell him when you agree?

Of course I realize that not all is black and white. Not all situations are the same, and diplomacy is necessary more at times, and sometimes honesty is the only way to go. There are different shades of gray.

(When I cut my hair, Ogre just about had a meltdown. "What have you done?" Very honest!)

I hate horror movies...

... and I haven't watched one in many years. Whenever I see the trailer to a new one on TV or at the movies, I'm astonished just how disturbed the writer/producer of this piece must be. Human imagination seems to have no boundaries, no matter which way you take it.

I was 16 when my boyfriend and I went to watch "The Silence of the Lambs". Jodie Foster's horrified face followed me around for a very long time. I watched the movie again a year later at a New Year's party. We were a bunch of kids, and we made fun of everything. It really was kind of odd.

Well, as mentioned above I haven't seen a horror movie in years, and I have absolutely no intention of ever seeing one again. What is really disturbing though, is the fact, that I was dreaming about "The Silence of the Lambs" just last night. All night long. Single scenes... the especially awful ones. Apparently I have them memorized like it just happened. I woke up every so often, scared out of my head, then fell asleep and went right back into the same dream.

I generally believe, that dreams are there to work through things, to process information from our daily life, good things or bad. And I know, sometimes I dream completely useless things too. But last night was not just useless. Last night was downright disturbing, and there is no reason whatsoever for this awful dream.

I'm still trying to get those images out of my head. Yuck!!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Today it's back to Village. Just for me, as my kids no longer take classes on Tuesday. I can't say I'm ready quite yet. But I'm also strangely excited about seeing my people. Besides... going back to Village means that in 10 weeks it's summer. And that, my friends, is reason enough to celebrate. :)

When good people do good things

"We've got time to help" is a group of mostly unemployed people who volunteer in the Portland, OR area. I will be writing an article about them to be published in Goodness Magazine. The group was started by Seth, who lost his job and decided to volunteer in his community. Beautifully this has turned into quite a group, and the projects they take on are amazing. I love what he has to say...

We do this because we have chosen hope over fear. Hope that a new world is being borne, a new way of life is emerging. Hope that all people can come together, for unity and for community instead of continuing to choose separation and fear. A hope that we can, once again, step out into our neighborhoods and hold our heads high.

We have vowed to take this new world by the reigns and steer it in the direction we want to go. Not where others tell us it should go. Not in the direction that the fearful want it to go. No, instead we will take this new world and these new ideas and we will become the risk-takers, the doers and the bringers of change.

We will not fear our neighbors or our neighborhoods. Each day, brings new evidence that we are becoming more and more divided. Our communities are no longer such, instead they are just a group of sheltered homes where everyone keeps their head down and asks nothing of their neighbors. They don't or won't reach out when in need. They feel there is no help that can be found, no hope that remains. We say, take out hand and follow us on our journey. Walk with us, as we step out of the darkness of fear and into the light of hope.

We, the volunteers, have made it our duty to start changing the world, one community, one family, one person at a time. We will do this through hard work and dedication. Dedication to ourselves and to our community. Dedication to be the doers, not the watchers. We will work side by side with strangers and friends alike, rebuilding lives and rebuilding hope.

We can not give money, because of our money, we are in short supply. What we can give is our time, our hard work, our dedication and our perseverance.

Everyone on Earth knows someone who needs a little help. Help with a broken fence. Help carrying the groceries in from the car. Help with fixing a leaky pipe or roof or help with a car that refuses to run. Help with creating a community garden or help with repairing broken stairs. There is nothing that, as a community, we cannot repair-that we cannot mend.

For more info visit their website at: We've got time to help

I have an itch...

... to clean and write and clean and declutter my house. Unfortunately I also have the procrastination disease. I have an article to write by April 15th, and the muse is refusing to kiss me. It's going "okay", but I wish it was going great. I know it will, eventually... it just needs to be before the 15th.

I am the procrastination queen, by the way. I swear, nobody is as good at it as I am. Important phone calls, articles, school assignments, cleaning, paying a bill... I do it all at the last possible minute. My life is not complete without this little pressure in my neck, because there is something I still have to do. I left a comment on Shady Lady's blog, telling her that I'm making a to-do list. Seriously, my intentions are real, my goals ambitious, my cause noble.

And this is my list of things to do during the month of April:

~clean out the file cabinet in my former office, now my daughter's room, so I can move all the materials from the closet into the file cabinet, so my daughter can finally use all of her closet.

~clean out my own closet and remove all the crap I KNOW I will never wear again, because there is no way on Earth I will ever be that skinny again.

~rearrange the kitchen cabinets and get rid of all the plastic containers without lids, that are taking up a lot of space, but are completely useless to me.

~sort out the bottom cabinets in the entertainment center, that holds all the children's books of 8 years.

~write two articles, one to be finished on April 15th, the other one on May 1st.

~finally continue work on my German book.

~garden, garden, garden!!!

~teach the best Discoverers class ever, before I'm done teaching for good this summer.

~work on my plans for multiple streams of income.

These are the more important things on my list, people. What does one do with a list like this? Put it on the fridge, so I won't miss it? Put various copies of it all over the house, so I really, truly can't miss it? Toss it out altogether?

How does one stay organized and focused? One would think I've learned to do this in the 3.5 decades I've roamed this planet. I'm afraid, if I ever live alone (when my husband is dead or sick of me, and my children travel the world) I will be one of those sad creatures with stacks of crap all around me, because I can't drag my lazy ass off the couch to work off my to-do list.

Now PULEASE do not recommend the Flylady to me. Of all recommendations to be more organized and less chaotic, this one had me stare at the screen and wondering, how anyone could live by these 1950s standards. Day 1: Bleach your sink! Muaaaah!!!

Win this book.... or... a bar of Swiss chocolate

I know you love to win. We all do. Winning gets us giddy and excited and gives us a sense of pride. Getting something for free just like that feels good, and anybody who tries to deny it, is lying. :)

I love to win things. Big and small, I'm a happy recipient of all good things. I want to share the joy of winning with you.

That's, why I'm giving away a brand new copy of one of my all time favorite chick lit books:

EATING HEAVEN by Jennie Shortridge, a Pacific Northwest writer, whose writing style is so delightful, I couldn't help reading the book in 24 hours (the book is also in my Amazon recommendations.)

Editorial Review from the Amazon.com website:
A delightful, charming heroine plauged with an appetite smaller only than her good and gracious heart. I loved the book! -- Ayelet Waldman, author of Daughter's Keeper

Eating Heaven stole my heart. It's rich and sweet with humor, heartbreak, and a healthy serving of love. -- Caren Lissner, author of Starting From Square Two

Exactly the kind of book I most love to read--funny, sad, sensual, and hopeful. Jennie Shortridge is a wise woman. -- Barbara Samuel, author of Lady Luck's Map of Vegas

Jennie Shortridge's lovingly drawn characters will inhabit your soul and win your heart. I love this book. -- Lisa Tucker, author of Shout Down the Moon and The Song Reader

Powerful and provocative...a novel you don't soon forget. -- Valerie Frankel, author of The Girlfriend Curse

The second and third prize winners will receive a few samples of my awesomely delicious Swiss chocolate. Ask anyone you like, this chocolate is the best they have ever had (Shady Lady, you have to confirm this right here!)

How to particpate:

1) Tell me why you and you alone deserve to be the winner of the book/chocolate. "I never win anything" is not a good enough reason. Come up with something better than that.

2) If you haven't already done so, become a follower of my blog. (Yep, it's that easy!)

You have until April 1st to leave your comment here. The drawing will be on the evening of April 1st, and I will announce the lucky winners on April 2nd.

GOOD LUCK!

EDIT:

Let me clarify this for you, readers. This is a contest... nobody is excluded, nobody will get better treatment. :) I will read the submissions and then choose the winner. This might be my best friend or someone I don't know at all. So participate already!! :)

New things are fun...

... and happy and colorful. They change everything for the better. I frequently get tired of the old look. I have had various blogs over the years, and I never stick to one theme for too long. I want to look at something new, that excites me.
And besides, March is just about over, and I was definitely ready to let go of everything green. After a little playing around with several backgrounds, I believe I'll be happy with this... for a while. We'll see how I feel at the end of April.

Turning off the lights...

The games are out, the candles too. Ogre took his guitar and harmonica downstairs and they're practicing singing the blues. At 8:30pm the lights will go out for an hour... and not just the lights, but all electricity. Fridge, microwave, telephone... it will all be gone.

I'm hoping to be part of something huge, I'm hoping that at least one billion people all over the planet will switch off their lights. I hope, that I am a tiny part of something huge and amazing.

And yes, I'm excited about being with my family for one full hour. No distractions, no screens... just us.

What I really wanted to say... Random Ramblings

1. Chocolate and portion control are like fire and water. It is impossible to keep the friggin' fire burning if you pour a bucket of water on it. BUT with chocolate you can trick yourself. You can take out one bar of the hellish good stuff and put it in the cabinet. Then you can take the box with the rest of the hellish good stuff and take it to the garage, where you put it on the top shelf right above the car. You have to move the car and climb on a chair to reach the shelf. Portion control: check!

2. It is extremely annoying to have hellish good stuff sitting on the top shelf above a car. You can't sneak chocolate. Everyone will notice when you grab the keys and a chair to go into the garage.

3. Toothless Fairy has a boyfriend, who is so smitten with her, he calls her once a day and they talk about nothing. She has him on speaker phone, and this is what it sounds like. Usually they make a sound and the other one has to guess what sound it is. Once he scratched his head, and laughed his ass off, because she couldn't get it. But yesterday she played the piano for him, and he was genuinely impressed. It was so cute. (Oh, yes, they're 8! LOL)

4. Toothless Fairy has inherited her father's genes. She sits down at the piano and makes music. She doesn't read notes. She just plays and it sounds beautiful. I feel like a minority in this family of musicians. I love playing the piano, but I am lost without my sheet music.

5. Blue Eyed Boy is wondering if the tooth fairy comes twice. He's bargaining for one more visit. He was told that at a friend's house she comes for every lost tooth. I told him, it's a recession and the tooth fairy union was discussing this issue. He said, it would make sense, but they really should still come twice. I said this sounded reasonable. Of course he has to lose that tooth first.

6. Is it time yet for my soon-to-be sister-in-law to give birth yet? I mean I've waited for about a week now. How long does it take to bake a baby??? Flippin' November!!!!

7. Washing laundry is the most daunting task ever invented. Too many dirty clothes form a huge Mt Laundry, and no matter how many loads I do, the mountain keeps growing. I plead for "Do your own laundry". This plea is not well received by the rest of the family. I guess it will not be a plea next time but a command, followed by my refusal to wash anybody else's but my own laundry. Nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner. (Still not certain about the spelling of nee-ner!)

8. I totally think we should have maids and butlers again. Weren't those the days? I could be a homeschooling mother to my lovely brood, and a writer in my free time, and when I leave the room, my servants will clean up the messes I leave behind. Make it so!

9. When someone flushes the upstairs toilet you can hear it in the whole house (like right now). This is the most unpleasant sound I have ever heard, and it keeps me updated on the bodily functions of everyone in my family.

10. Overdue notices from the library are probably the most annoying thing ever. They always hit me by surprise, and I have no idea, how I managed, yet again, to forget returning our books. Is there anybody out there who has never had to pay a late fee? What is your strategy for returning books on time? Enlighten me. I'm sick of late fees.

11. Pancakes are delicious, but husbands who make pancakes, and who ask you a thousand questions about where everything can be found, make you want to jump up and do it yourself. (Which I won't, because I just don't want to.)

12. It's back to Village Home next week, and while I love Village Home, and the community, I am not ready to go back.

13. Husbands who make pancakes, look in the refrigerator and ask, "Do we really have just one egg?" are either blind or not very bright. "Yes, honey, we really have just one egg." "Well, this is impossible. Nobody can do anything with just one egg." (insert annoyed sigh by husband here)

14. Hello there, little squirrel, sitting over on that fence watching me. I'm sorry you're out in the rain. No, I won't feed you.

15. Husbands who make pancakes and decide to get annoyed by all the egg cartons on the fridge are irritating. Maybe I could ask him to go back to sleep. Nope, I'm not getting up. I'm just sitting here blogging.

A lovely day in Freckly Land

Well, my friend is gone. I dropped him off at the Greyhound station an hour ago, and I must admit to feeling slightly relieved. No, it was not his presence at all. I quite enjoyed the conversations, and I believe he had a really good time with us. I feel relief for being able to speak English again. Not that German itself is a tough language for me to speak, although I do frequently use English sentence structures, which makes my German family laugh at me, but Swiss German, which (in my humble opinion) sounds like farmer's German, is a dialect, that I speak and understand, BUT after years of not hearing it or speaking it, it was hard to adjust.
I frequently switched back and forth between high German and Swiss German, and he always adjusted and switched back and forth with me. But it made conversations a piece of work for me. :)

Did he bring chocolate? Oh my word, you do not want to know. I have chocolate coming out my ears. Portion control is the word of the day, and I'm wondering how to manage staying away from the heavenly stuff. This was entirely unexpected, and I will now even be able to share with my friends, rather than having to hide it and eat tiny pieces at a time.

Today we battled the public school kids at OMSI for a couple of hours and then decided it was entirely too much trouble. We had lunch at the Ramshead McMenamins, during which we toko this lovely picture of the Lovely Freckles and Toothless Fairy.



Then on we went to the beautiful Pittock Mansion...



and we saw this...



We saw signs of spring all over the city, and it had us happy and relieved, that we are in fact, finally seeing early signs of sunnier days and warmer weather.

Wardrobe Wednesday

After all this talk about Wicked, lost and found tickets, and all, I figured I'll share with you my fancy gown I wore on Wicked night. :)

Anne of Green Gables

HerbiFaery and I were having a conversation about what an ideal world would look like for us. She mentioned Anne of Green Gables, a world where you run out of the house to your friend next door to share big news or other things. Immediately I was carried into what I pictured to be Anne's world. A house with a white porch, a beautiful meadow with blooming flowers, trees everywhere, and of course a blue sky. Because blue skies are what makes such a place even more lovely.

Amazing as it may sound, my life in Germany was not so much different from this picture. Granted, I looked more like a boy, but life in general was simple, mostly screen free, and I do remember lots of blue skies too. I lived in a small house, surrounded by a large yard. Bushes and trees framed this yard, and in the summer it was like living in a sunny spot surrounded by a forest, that kept the family in, and strangers out. We had apple, pear, and cherry trees, berry bushes, and a garden full of tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, beans and peas. My grandparents lived in an apartment downstairs from us, and she planted a variety of flowers and roses. I vividly remember this garden being colorful for most of the year.

This house was situated in the middle of a small town of 800 people, where most people knew who I was, and (later that was quite annoying) were always aware of my whereabouts. In my town there was no such thing as a lost child ever. In the summer we left the house in the morning to play with our friends. And we returned at night for dinner. Sometimes we got in trouble, because we were late. But nobody was ever worried about anything happening to us. It was simply not an option.

My best friend lived three houses away from me. A quick phone call would have been 25 cents. So we never talked on the phone. If one of us wanted to play or needed anything we'd walk down the street and ask. My friend's mom pulled the shades down half way, when they weren't home. But most of the time they were home, and we'd play in her yard, or in her room, or we'd walk over to my house again. We were two little girls with not a care in the world. As far as we were concerned we lived in paradise.

Many years later my life has changed a lot. Raising my kids the way I was raised is unthinkable. I don't let them run off all day. They do get to play outside, but it's always in our fenced in well protected yard. As for myself, I have very much adjusted to this life, that is filled with little gadgets. I love my teensy weensy laptop, and the internet is my way of staying connected with my family in Germany. I send pictures, I write e-mails and blog posts, and I stay in touch with friends through Facebook and my blog.

I do sometimes wonder if it's right like this. I wonder if it's a good way for my kids to grow up this way. They love their Wii and DS and their computers. They don't get to run around town the way I did. Granted, we do live in a city of 84.000 right outside of Portland, rather than a small town in Germany. But mostly I'm happy with the way things are. I love the friends in my life. I love our community of homeschoolers. This is not to say that I couldn't get used to a new situation. I know I could. I still love the idea of living outside of the town on a large lot with lots of trees and a garden. Who knows what life will bring.

Is it here yet? Is it? Is it???

What am I talking about? Spring of course. You know!! That time of year, when everything blooms, and the leaves are baby green, and the flowers are sprinkled like rainbow sprinkles on ice cream. You know? Spring! Sunny days, lovely walks, days at the beach... Remember? That beautiful time after the dark winter days end, and you sigh a breath of relief, because you know, that if it had stayed winter for even one more day, you might go and kill someone?

Oh, but wait... it IS still winter... and dark... and gray... and I DO feel like I might go and kill someone. And really, who can blame me? It is after all March 25, the official beginning of spring was FIVE days ago. Am I asking too much? Are my expectations too high? Where do I file a complaint? Because, seriously, people, I am waiting... tap tapping my fingers impatiently on my desk.

And for those among you, who will now tell me that, after all, I moved to Oregon, away from Arizona, for a reason. YES YES YES, I know all of that. Big deal. Guess what, I still don't want to move back to Arizona. I still think Phoenix is hell on earth, and everyone who wants to know what hell is like should go there. What Phoenix has too much of in terms of temperature and sunny weather, we, in Oregon have too little off, at least at this time of the year. This is the time, when you sit and wait... you look outside, you wait, you make plans, which of course you can't realize until the damn sun comes out.

Of course there is one thing, that (sort of) makes up for all the bitter winter blues... my friend from Switzerland will arrive here tonight. And while that in itself is fun and exciting, and I look forward to seeing him after all those years, the true medicine is in his backpack. CHOCOLATE!!! ;)

(No, dearest reader, I'm not that shallow. I really look forward to meeting my friend and chat about what's happened in the past 20 years. :)

Connor and Tavvi

Some of you, who read my blog, are also readers at Shady Lady's blog. She has posted about Connor and Tavvi recently.

Connor and Tavvi are 9 and 12 years old, and for the past 2.5 years they have lived with their older sister Stephanie, who has been an amazing mother for them. I have had the pleasure of meeting this family, and while I can't say I know them very well, I have had a chance to chat with them, and observe them. One thing that immediately struck me is the way Stephanie and her kids interacted with each other. I have rarely seen such a calm and relaxed mother. Given Stephanie's young age (24), this is even more amazing. She was forced to grow up and took on a huge responsibility: raising her younger siblings, away from their biological deadbeat parents.

Stephanie has followed all the rules imposed on her by the government. She jumped through all the necessary hoops to become a foster parent for her siblings. The kids blossomed in her care, and it seems the most natural thing, that adoption would be next.

IF, and there always is an IF, there wasn't the plan to reunite the children with their biological parents. In December of last year, Virginia DHS workers showed up at the family's door. During a conversation the kids made it clear, that they were not planning to leave their family, and for some reason this was accepted. The kids stayed.

Until last week that is. After months of no contact with DHS, the kids were forcefully removed from their school and home.

Cops entered Tavvi's classroom and dragged her out, kicking and screaming.
The family's house was surrounded, and Connor was taken. He was not wearing any shoes. He was not allowed to take anything or say good bye.

Friday night I contacted a local news station, and, surprise surprise, they picked up the story and reported here:

Report 1

and here:

Report 2

In the past few days I have read a lot of positive and some negative feedback. Most people are supportive of the family, some find the story "fishy", and think that Stephanie may not have legally taken the kids.

Let's assume that was the case (it's not, but let's assume it is). I think it is safe to say, that a woman, who knows her younger siblings are in danger, and who decides to take them and take care of them, has done the right thing by not turning her head and ignoring the facts.

It was my understanding, that DHS acts in the BEST interest of the child. Granted, there is a judge who ruled that the kids should be returned to Virginia. But in all honesty, where is the use in having DHS, when in the end, the children are being even more traumatized? Is it not the worst thing to take a child from the place he loves, from the people he cares about, without warning, without giving the chance for goodbyes, without letting them take even the most necessary things, things that might give some comfort in this situation, when everyone and everything around you goes wrong? This is NOT the best interest of any child. This is legalized kidnapping.

Now, let's put ourselves in the position of the biological parent, if you will. And I will do this in the best possible and friendliest way I can. As a parent, even a screwed up parent who knows of the physical and emotional abuse, I can only hope, that I would be sane enough to put my child's best interest before mine. I do realize, that a mother loves her children, and I see that a mother wants her children "back". But if I have screwed up before, and if I see that my children are in a good place, and they get everything they need, then it is time for me to recognize the fact and step back, and assume a different position. To love your children sometimes means to let them go. I am not talking about letting them go forever. I am talking about giving those kids the chance to heal, to grow, to learn to forgive what has happened in the past, so that they can then help build a relationship with their parents.

The children are now in foster care. And while the idea of doing the "right thing" by reuniting them with their parents, is a noble one indeed, the reality looks different. The reality is, that the healing process was rudely interrupted. Two plants have been cut without the roots, and planted in a different place. They're with strangers, they have to go to a new school (yet again), they have to somehow make sense of this situation, that nobody is able to explain to them... because the only thing they really want, is to be with their sister.

Has anybody ever asked them?
Has their opinion been considered for even a minute?
Do basic human rights not apply to children?

I'm glad to report, that after the KATU report, other TV stations are interested in this story as well. I have seen warnings, that such media attention might influence this case negatively. But truth be told, what is the worst thing that can happen at this point? The children are gone! This is the desperate cry for help from a family, who wants what millions of others take for granted: to live with each other in peace. The government needs to be shown, that citizens will not just stand by and watch, as the lives of two young kids and their family are destroyed.

www.theystayhome.org

UPDATE:

Channel 8

Oh Mom...

"I love Charles Ingalls. He's so nice. And don't you just love it when he cries?" says Toothless Fairy after watching two full episodes of our recorded Little House series. I'm looking at my 8 year old, who is positively smitten with Michael Landon, his eyes, his hair, his sensitive side. ;) And I must admit, I too, was very much in love with Charles Ingalls, and I knew that if I had lived in those days, life would have been a piece of cake. Because what else do you need besides a cool dad like Charles Ingalls?

Obviously the truth is probably somewhat different. But hey, why ruin the picture? We all love the Little House with all its drama, the tears, the happy endings, and Charles Ingalls.

Babies, and writing, and homeschool, oh my!!

It seems that just this morning I was drawing a blank, when it came to writing blog posts. Now my head is full of ideas, and I'm trying to get organized and figure out, what to write about first. I'll make a list. :)

1. My brother's good news have me not only excited for them. It also makes me think of my own three pregnancies, how I lived them, what I did right (not a lot) and what I did very wrong (a whole lot). Don't get me wrong, all three of my children are completely healthy, have no allergies, and no mental issues to speak off (sure, I was told to test my back then 3 year old Toothless Fairy for ADD, but that seems to be quite a fashionable statement to anyone with a kid who doesn't fit into the perfect roster of cuteness and sugar-pie-ness). And still, there is so much I could have done differently, better, if only I had known better. I have learned so much in just a couple of years, and I have this urge to pass my wisdom on to the parents-to-be... and yet, I keep my mouth shut, and I will wait politely, until they come to ask for my opinion. My husband is not very much into getting un-snipped... so no new baby for me. Shucks!

2. Writing... Sometimes reality stares you square in the eye and you just don't see it, because it's too friggin' close. For months... heck, years, I have struggled through my children's literature writing course with mediocre results. No, seriously, it's true. Writing children's fiction is like trying to write a book in a foreign language. If you speak the language well, you'll likely get an okay result... only if you're fluent, you'll write a superior novel. Alas, I am not fluent. I do, however, have a gift... adult non-fiction. I will cancel my children's writing course, and continue on with the adult course. I believe that once I'm able to focus on one direction, I will work much more efficient and create the kind of work I'm hoping to create.

3. Much has happened in my homeschooling life, since we started more than three years ago. It has been quite the journey, with challenges, and rewards. We took a break and ventured into the unschooling field, only to realize, that without structure none of us were truly happy. But only in the past couple of months or so, after talking to Shady Lady, reading other homeschool blogs with so many fantastic activities and curriculum suggestions, have I started to understand, which path we need to take. I feel satisfied to have found this path, and both my children seem to agree, that this new way is, at least for the time being, the best way to go.

4. Oh my! Is it really that late? Ogre just entered the bedroom and said, "Your freckles are lovely, but aren't they tired?" He plopped into bed, and I can already hear his breathing slow down. How do they do it? How do men lie down and sleep within 10 seconds? And why can't I do that too???

Good night, everyone.

My head is empty

I once read an article about bloggers. It wasn't a very nice one. It talked about how bloggers are really just a bunch of exhibitionists, who will even write when they have nothing to write about. I suppose this is true of some. I am certainly more fond of some blogs than others. I pretty much read all the blogs in my blog roll on a regular basis, which makes for lots of reading at times... and for very little reading at other times.

But this is not the point of today's post. Rather it is the fact, that I find myself in this awkward situation of suffering from writer's block. My head is empty. In the past 24 hours I sat down to write, and then deleted everything, because it was so boring, it could even put me to sleep.

And yet, part of me feels I just HAVE to write something... anything really. If only to let my readers know, I'm still out there. I'm still alive and kicking, just with an empty brain. ;) I guess it's a good thing, my son just woke up. He will make it impossible for me to start rambling. As soon as he leaves the bathroom (he's sitting on the toilet doing his little newly awake sighing and moaning) he will demand food. Taking after his mommy. Needs food right away, or will certainly suffer horrible, terrible death by starvation.

Happy Monday everyone.

Ring Ring...

The telephone is a magical apparatus. Its invention was truly a miracle, and picking it up is like unwrapping a Christmas present. Who might it be on the other end? Who might call to speak to you? What might happen as a result of this phone call? These questions are obviously what gets the Toothless Fairy hot and bothered (pardon me, for using this not PG rated expression for my 8 year old), when the phone rings. It is true. Nothing gets this child as excited as the ring-a-ding-ding of the telephone. No matter what she does at the moment... watching TV, reading a book, creating lovely art, at the first ring of the phone, Toothless Fairy jumps up, and runs to wherever the sound originates. And in our house the sound might originate in the bathroom, if that's the last place it has been put by whoever had it before.

If she does not, in fact, make it to the phone before her parents, she'll stand next to the phone with cabbage ears, taking every piece of information that might be of importance. If for any reason she cannot figure out the identity of the caller, she will not stop asking until her curiosity has been satisfied. "Who was that? What did they want? Are we doing anything with them? Did they say anything about me?" I used to have a strict no phone policy for my children. I believe I may have encouraged her desire to be the first person on the phone. So I don't bother with this policy any longer.

Interestingly, in most cases she is disappointed about who I talked to. Specifically when I talk to Shady Lady, which can happen several times a day, if we have things of great importance to share. ;) Toothless Fairy loves Shady Lady, but the fact is, nothing new and exciting comes from Shady Lady. My friend... what can I say? You are not a popular caller to my daughter. And I mean this in the best possible way. ;) Really, she loves you. She said so the other day.

The other child in my house couldn't care less about the phone, by the way. Who cares about who might call? I find this curious. Because he is like this in other areas as well. Where Toothless Fairy has a very strong opinion about anything and everything, Blue Eyed Boy doesn't get bothered, unless it directly concerns him. This would include such things as when do we eat, and why does he have to be done playing the Wii after only 2 short hours. Otherwise he is happy and content to just live and enjoy, and waits to be told, whatever we need to tell him.

It must be a girl thing, offered my brother yesterday, who is afraid the baby they're expecting might be female. And I'm afraid he might be right. It is a tradition in my family to have the girl first and then the boy. I will be happy of course, to share my great wisdom with him, in about 9 years, when his Toothless Fairy, sprints to the phone (because her favorite auntie is calling.)

It was so nice talking to you...

we should really do this more often, said my friend to me, when we said good bye after a 45 minute conversation. We live far apart, and we don't talk often. When I hung up the phone and thought about the conversation we'd had, I noticed, once again, that it really was good for her to talk to me again. She got to do all the talking she needed to. She poured her guts out to me, told me the story of her life, her trials and tribulations of motherhood, marriage, and little maladies she is suffering from... and I listened... just as always, when we talk. It's not the first time, that I'm left wondering, what this friendship does for me, and why I am keeping it alive.
Okay, well, I guess it's not THAT easy to end a friendship, when you keep receiving phone calls. ;)

The fact is, I am a big believer in friendship, long lasting friendship... but I also feel that there is a time for everything and everyone. Friendship is one of those things, that might last for life, but it might not. When you realize, that you don't get anything out of it anymore, wouldn't it be right and fair to say so? Now if only there wasn't this thing called guilt. And beside guilt there is the past... the many years we have known each other.
Number 1... do you simply tell this person who still takes you for granted, who still wants your friendship, and who obviously still needs your friendship, that you are no longer interested, that you can no longer invest emotions into this friendship, that has not given anything, but continuously takes your time and energy? Number 2... do you throw a thing away, that has lasted for so long, knowing you'll tear down yet another bridge to your younger days, your youth, your past, to live in the here and now? (This sounds awfully dramatic, I realize, and at barely 35 I don't think of myself as old.)

I am torn. I feel like this person needs me, if just to unload her "garbage" on me, if just to know, that I'm listening. She has never followed my advice. She has never reported back to me, after asking me for what to do. She doesn't want my help. She simply needs to spill her guts. She has never moved on. With my move to the States I have started over, have created a new life, and I know I'm ready to let her go. But I know, that she has not started over. She is still in her old life, with all the same people, and with me as a steady pillar to lean on. Do I have a responsibility?

The way things are going, we will still have the same conversations about the same things in 10 and 20 and 30 years. I guess it's just a small sacrifice in the bigger picture. I should be happy and grateful for all the other things I have in my life, and for the friends who are as important to me, as I seem to be to her. I guess, I just answered my own question.

Thoughts?

Fabulous Friday

Friday is a good day, don't you think? It carries the promise of a lovely weekend with the family. And it my case this week it also means no cleaning, because we had our house cleaned yesterday. Therefore I will be able to just live and relax. And I love to live and relax. As a matter of fact, I'm considering going to the Portland Farmers Market. It's that season again, and shame on me, I have not been yet at all! After almost three years in this town... go figure!

This Friday, however, is an even better day. This Friday I found out, that I'll be an aunt in November. My brother is going to be a father, and I can't even begin to tell you, how thrilled I am. Knowing my brother's past (no worries, he wasn't a criminal... just different from the other boys), it is a truly amazing and beautiful thing, that on this Friday in March, he found out, that his girlfriend is pregnant. :) Six weeks.
My brother is an awesome guy. Smart, good looking, funny... all around a nice man. But as little as 3 years ago he was convinced that he'll never find a woman, that he'll never get married. He was also convinced that he was not the kind of guy to be a good father to anyone. He was a bit frustrated to say the least, and back then we had long conversations about it. I remember telling him, that stuff just kind of happens, when you don't expect it. I told him to trust the fact, that somewhere out there is the right woman for him. He met her 3 months later. :) She is beautiful and kind and she somehow just knows how to handle my thickheaded brother.

In addition to that, this is my very first niece/nephew. A visit to Germany is unavoidable now. I hate to be so far away, but I intend on being a very "close" far away aunt. :) Someone pinch me... I think I'm going to cry.

(And now I'm going shopping... you may take a wild guess which department I'll be shopping in.)

Wickedness

really lies in the eye of the beholder. Last night at the Keller Auditorium in Portland I suffered with the Wicked Witch, as she was really only terribly misunderstood, and she was not that wicked at all. I will never be able to watch the Wizard of Oz now, without feeling sad for the Wicked Witch and her tragic fate.

It was truly a fantastic evening with my friends Shady Lady and HerbiFaery and their husbands. We started off with dinner at the Keller Cafe and quickly got to be known as "the awesome party of six at the cafe", as the server wrote on a piece of paper when we ordered drinks for half time.
It felt nice to get all dressed up, wear beautiful (and somewhat painful) high heels, and enjoy the evening with my best friends.

Granted, the second balcony left all the faces up for interpretation, but the story had me smiling and laughing... and got me just a little teary eyed, when the witch melted into the ground. Of course the unexpected happy ending was soon to follow, and all those longing for a happily ever after, had their wish granted. :)

Thank you, Evonne for organizing this for us. What a blast. We have to do this again.

I was going to show you a bunch of pictures

but, it just so turns out, that today blogger.com won't upload them. So, instead I will share with you my Thoughts for Thursday.

1. Blue Eyed Boy eats like a hamster. He crams an entire piece of bread into his mouth, stores it in his cheeks and chews it up a little piece at a time. It's really amazing to watch him do it.

2. I found the Wicked tickets two days ago. They were in a safe place, just where they were supposed to be. Deep inside I am a very organized and orderly person. I just usually don't remember.

3. I'm looking at a picture of Michelle Obama, and while I do admit, that her arms are to be admired, it leaves me wondering, how this country makes such a big deal about them. Can we focus on the real stuff for a bit? Of course if you can believe the New York Times, her arms are a "bracing symbol of American strength". (Yeah, let's flex those muscles.)

4. On Tuesday I spent a fortune on science supplies and other fun school stuff. I am so excited, I could do science experiments all day.

5. My neck hurts so much this morning, I'm finding the torture of stretching tempting.

6. On the one beautiful day this March I took my kids to OMSI (science museum) for 6 hours. Granted, we went for gelato afterwards and walked up and down 23rd Avenue. Today it's back to rain... for another 6 days. Nope, I'm not complaining. I'm not. Really... (Damn it, yes I am.)

7. Blue Eyed Boy is starting to read street signs and other things, and I can't believe how naturally it's happening. My baby is growing up.

8. I will put Aliceson's prize in the mail today. :)

9. Arguments with my husband tend to be somewhat unproductive. (I refuse to compare myself to millions of Americans who get by with 6.5 hours of sleep.)

10. There is nothing quite like a sleepy eyed, still warm from bed, child hugging you in the morning and telling you she loves you. Warms my heart, and makes it all worth while.

Have a lovely day.

Wardrobe Wednesday

Let it not be said, that Darth Vader does not have a sense of humor, or is wearing black all the time. No, sir. Darth Vader likes to wear his read mask on occasion. Notice the very cool and impressive light saber, he is holding up. And here you thought, he was all evil.

What I really wanted to say... Random Ramblings

1. I love my hair stylist. He is funny, professional, does exactly what I want him to do, and he loves that I'm growing my hair again. I send all my friends to him, because he is, quite simply, the best hair stylist I've ever had.

2. I hate Webkinz and all the little accessories you have to buy for them. A tiny little sweater costs as much as a brand new webkinz. It's ridiculous. And no, we didn't buy the sweater.

3. I will leave the dead roses on the kitchen counter until they fall apart. I bought them for the husband. He gets to throw them away. I'm NOT doing it.

4. I may have mentioned it a couple of hundred times, but I friggin' love Swiss chocolate.

5. Cold feet are the worst. And I have cold feet every night. Is something wrong with me? Or is it really just a simple female defect?

6. I admire Shady Lady, because she turned off the computer all day long and did lots of fun stuff with Princess, while I realized that I'm missing very basic supplies to do any kind of fun stuff.

7. I failed (yet again) at this whole diet and exercise thing. Stupid new years resolution. Stupid Maya. Stupid me. ;) (Don't take that too seriously. I don't actually consider myself stupid... just... uh... without willpower.)

8. I have still not found my Wicked tickets for Thursday, which blows big time. I had a nightmare about being turned away at the theater. I mean, what the hell???

9. I can't stand the sound of the thriller my husband is watching. I don't do thrillers. Especially not before bed.

10. My son has piled his dirty laundry onto a small chair, and I can't believe, his tower has not collapsed yet. Do boys have a special stacking technique gene or something? I vaguely recall my brother doing it... until he was, oh, 20?

11. Good night. :)

When I'm 90

I used to think that tattoos were just awful. I guess that's part of being raised by a mother, who opposes any kind of body "enhancements". Her motto was/is "If you were meant to have pictures on your body, you'd be born with them." Reasonable enough, right? Of course she does have pierced ears. ;) So I followed my mother's path and strong opinion against tattoos. And because I'm loud and obnoxious I'd tell tattoo wearers, that they'll regret it someday, and that it's just so damn wrong to put pictures on your body.

Of course I had a boyfriend once with a smokin' hot tat on his left arm and shoulder, and I LOVED summer, when he got to show it off. But that was obviously my evil little twin, and I never told anyone.

About a year ago I started thinking about getting a tattoo of my very own. Yes, world, now you know. I'm going on 35, and I'm considering going through hellish pain to put a picture on my body. I carefully warned my husband about this, who was surprisingly positive about it. He asked frequently if I had found any designs, and where I thought I wanted it ("above my butt or on my shoulder").
Today I finally showed him the design I chose, and he liked it. And then he panicked. "You're not really going to do this, right? Imagine when you're 90 with a tattoo above your butt. You'll be so unhappy."

Well, let's go on a trip to the future. Let's imagine I'll actually make it to 90. Hubby will be dead, or so he says. With any luck I'll be mobile enough to put on my own clothes. Chances are I will not bother turning around to look at my ass to begin with. Trust me, I have no illusions about the looks of my various body parts at such an advanced age. Gravity already has a tight grip on me, and I'm not even 35 yet. Additionally I'll be wearing underpants, that look more like full body condoms, for maximum support of various cheeks and other droopy body parts. A smallish drawing above my butt will either disappear under folds of skin or covered by a big white tent.

Or, and I almost like to think of this idea, I'll be in a nursing home, and some young sweet nurse or what's better, a young hot nurse dude will help me into my clothes, and notice the tattoo. He (Oh, let it be a guy, puleeease!) will, for just moment, stop thinking of me as an old woman without a life, and realize, that he's dealing with a person who has a past. Or, I'll be cruising around with my dandy little walker, showing it off to all the other nice people at the nursing home, who will then show off their own, and we'll have a contest, and give prizes to the biggest, and ugliest, and droopiest tattoos. Oh, how fun it will be.

Of course I'm a big baby, so I can't do it alone. Shady Lady has graciously volunteered (Ha, she's begging me to do it soon!! Okay, no, she's not begging, but almost....) to hold my hand and babysit and stroke my hair, while I'm crying and wailing. HerbiFaery, you in? ;) I have two hands to hold, you know.

Law of Attraction?

If you want something badly enough, it'll come to you one way or another. You just need to trust the universe to provide. In my case my most favorite chocolate in the whole entire world (yes, speaking like a 10 year old) came to me by way of a Swiss lady, who joined our German group. She moved to the US a week ago, and I had, a while ago, briefly mentioned to her my love for those chocolates. Last night she came to a "party" at my house, and she brought me a little gift. I'm just beside myself, and no, I will not share this with anyone. They don't appreciate this treasure as much as I do. ;)

Another friend brought me some honey from her father, who lives close to my hometown in Germany, and he has bees. Thanks to Warren I now have a much better idea, of what goes into beekeeping, and I will quite enjoy my new, delicious honey.

Speaking of friends... remember the story I told you about taking the train to Switzerland and sleeping in an empty house with a bunch of guys? I believe it was in 1989... or maybe 1990. Not like I'm counting the years... Well, recently I "friended" one of those guys on Facebook. He and I were "trying", back then, to have a fling, but well, it didn't exactly work out for us. We were just not that into each other. And I mean that. We lay smooching in bed, next to my friend and her boyfriend who were going at it quite happily, and after a while sat up, completely frustrated, realizing that there was absolutely no attraction between the two of us. Looking back I'm laughing my ass off at this little... uh... memory. Back then I didn't laugh. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me... and worse, what was wrong with him. He was a boy after all, and boys don't care. If it's a girl a boy will like her. Right? WRONG!! Lesson learned, moving on.
This morning I had a Facebook message in my inbox. The sender? Yep, you guessed right. He is coming to Portland for a night, and is wondering if I might like to meet him for coffee. Who am I to say no to that? Of course! He then proceeded to ask, if I knew of any cheap hotels around town, because his backpacker place was all booked out already. Cheap hotel meaning, $25 to $35. I told him, the only hotel that comes to mind is Hotel Freckles in Suburbia.

Yes, indeed, dearest reader, my good old friend is coming over for a sleepover. He will sleep in my son's bed. Alone. We will talk about the past over dinner and wine. AND, he's a Swiss guy, so he will pay me in... you guessed it... chocolate.

Law of Attraction? I'll say!

My sidebar is bursting in the seams...

... and I do believe I need another one. There is just one tiny little problem, I have no idea how to go about it.

I am honored to be nominated yet again for the Smoking Typewriter award by my favorite Blonde Fiona. :) Thank you so much. My typewriter really truly must be smoking. I already posted the Typewriter last week... AND I passed it on to a few other lovely bloggers, so I won't do it again. A big, fat virtual hug to you. :)

But, yet another award is bestowed upon me by way of Shady Lady. Thank you, my friend.
Interestingly it's called the Lemonade award for people with gratitude or attitude.



I believe I have a little bit of both to offer. As a matter of fact, I drove to Arby's today for a quick lunch and had to find out, that their menu has changed. The kids meals no longer include turkey/ham sandwiches. Instead the lovely brood gets to choose between Roastbeef Burger and Popcorn Chicken. I ordered three regular Marketplace sandwiches without the fries and drinks instead. As I drove up to the window, I asked the guy, if their new motto was "Make America fat", to which the poor lad replied, he really doesn't have any control over it. Of course I am quite aware of that fact, and I told him as much. And yet, who, if not the sales guy am I going to tell, that I'm disappointed? One can only hope, that with enough protest from people like me, they'll reconsider their decision to take the one good thing off the menu and put it right back where it belongs. The guy did recommend to contact arbys.com, and I believe I will... maybe... if I have time.

As for gratitude. I am indeed quite grateful, dear reader. I have so much to be grateful for. Being alive is probably one of the greatest things of them all. Imagine all the other dead eggs and sperm and all. That makes me one lucky chick, if I say so myself. Of course I'm also grateful for many other things, such as my bigger than life computer screen, chocolate, DVR, and cheap long distance calls.
Oh, and of course I'm not as shallow as a little puddle, and I'm also grateful for my house, my mom and dad, my husband, my children, my brother, my fantabulous friends, and for everything that makes my life (mostly) worth living. (Let's try to forget sleepless nights and crappy moods as a consequence of that. THAT SUCKS!!)

Oh, digressing again, am I?

Back to the award... the Lemonade award (anybody else think that's a little weird?):

The rules of the award are as follows:
1) Put the logo on your blog or post. (check)
2) Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude or gratitude.
3) Link to your nominees within your post.
4) Let the nominees know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5) Share the love and link to the person from who you received your award. (and check)

Okay, so here's a bit of attitude for you. I'm breaking the rules starting at 2).
I'm not going to nominate 10 blogs, because, quite honestly, I think that all the blogs I'm reading offer lots of attitude and gratitude. So, instead of passing it on to 10 blogs I love, I ask you to pick up this award, if you feel you deserve it, want it badly enough, and are simply dying to put it in your sidebar (may it burst like mine).

2:21am

Sleep relaxes... sleep rejuvenates... sleep is the one thing I need 8 hours of to function the next day. And sleep is the one thing I can't seem to find tonight. I tried. From 10:30 to 0:00... got up, watched some old, boring shows on TV, decided I was really tired, returned to bed. Tossed and turned, tossed and turned some more... got up at 2:00.
Here I am, tired beyond belief, but unable to sleep. It is actually quite amazing, what crap is on TV in the middle of the night. Tons of paid advertisement... male enhancement, weight loss, girls gone wild. Old TV shows like Family Matters and MASH, Roseanne and Bill Cosby. One would think this crap is boring enough to put me right to sleep. But does it? Nope!

I cannot even think about what Saturday is going to be like. Oh Goddess of Sleep, come to me. I'm right here, waiting. Just a few precious hours... pulease!!!!

EDIT: 4:45... still awake, and totally unable to do anything productive, because I'm tired. But too awake to sleep. Yes, I'm whining. I have not slept a single minute. And I have nobody to whine to but my blog. And in two hours my kids will wake up. Damn it. :(

Wanna hear a joke?

... asked the teenage boy next to me on the lift. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up between him and his buddy. His buddy (uh, Dude!) was on the phone with someone, and he (Dude 2) asked me the above mentioned question. I turned my head and must have looked puzzled, because he said, "Uh, never mind. It's inappropriate anyway. Just trying to break the ice here, you know." "By telling me a joke?" I replied. He grinned and said again that it was not appropriate anyway and it was definitely not rated PG 13. "Exactly how old do I look to you?" I asked. And he said, one never knows with adults. Ah! Right! One never knows.
Meanwhile the other Dude got off the phone. Dude 2 says, "Dude! Wanna hear a joke Jenny told me this morning?" "Yeah, man." "What do you get when you cross a jackass and an onion?"
I must be old, because I can't for the life of me remember what the answer was. I do remember laughing, which the Dudes found amusing. "See? Now we can get to know each other." said the Dude with the joke. (Uh, right. Why don't we have some coffee together and get to know each other. I can then tell you about my 15 year old daughter, and maybe you can meet her, when she comes for her next visit.)

Aside from the two teenage Dudes the day on the mountain was fantastic. Perfect weather and perfect snow, and some very fun and interesting conversations. I actually met a woman who is married to a German man, and they used to be stationed in Bavaria. I also met on old Swiss man, who spoke English with a very heavy Swiss accent, but who could not have a conversation with me in German, because he's lived in the US for too long.

The endorphins quickly kicked in, and apparently I was not the only happy person on the mountain. Everybody was in a great mood. The lift attendants were funny and flirtatious, the skiers and snowboarders alike were chatty and friendly. It was all around a fantastic day.
At some point I went up to the highest possible point of the mountain. I sat on a rock and looked into the distance. I could see Portland, Mt Jefferson and even Mt Bachelor in Central Oregon. I let the sun shine on my face and enjoyed the peace and quiet. And unlike other times, when I get tired of skiing at some point, today I squeezed in one last run right when they were going to close the lift. (It's nice being a girl... it doesn't take more than "Pretty please" and a sweet smile, and they'll let you on.)

Only one thing is wrong about this day. I forgot my camera. I do not have a single picture. And, as us Germans like to say, I wanted to bite my own ass for that. ;)

Red wine

It's the one thing that magnifies every emotion I have. If I feel happy, the wine makes me happier. If I feel sad, the wine makes me sadder. If I feel aggressive, the wine will push me over the edge.
Today I felt exhausted, physically and emotionally drained... and the wine makes me so tired I find it hard to keep my eyes open. I'm going to hit the sack in just a few minutes, excited about tomorrow... about skiing... about enjoying a little bit of solitude somewhere on that mountain, where I can just sit down, look into the distance and enjoy life.
But tonight the wine will do its job of making me more exhausted and more drained. Tonight I'm letting go of everything... and I will sleep ever so peacefully. ("Make it so.")

I'll post pictures Saturday.

Thoughts for Thursday

I think I'm going to make that an ongoing thing... every Thursday. I did miss Wardrobe Wednesday this week. But Thoughts for Thursday are fancy too. ;)

1. My husband told me to go skiing tomorrow. Me! Alone! Weird. What will I do on the 2 hour drive from Portland to Mt Hood all alone?

2. Knitting is fun and therapeutic. Seriously, it is.

3. I'm jealous of Shady Lady, because she has pretty socks, that are apparently so comfortable that she writes about them. Fancy that!!

4. I hate e-mails from old friends, that start with the sentence, "It seems like you have no more time to think of me and write occasionally." Makes me not want to read or reply.

5. I have a two week spring break coming up, and I'm thrilled. But I still would prefer summer. I want park days!!

6. I don't like Nintendos without working volume controls. They're loud and obnoxious.

7. I love breakfast. My stomach is growling, asking for breakfast. I'm going to have peanut butter and honey... and then I'm going to have peanut butter and homemade apply jelly. Yes, indeed.

8. Sensationalism sucks!

9. Love rocks!! And I have a lot of love in my life.

10. The sky is very blue, the sun is very bright. It's promising to be a fabulous day.

Happy Thoughtful Thursday, everyone.

When all you get is pity

I remember it perfectly well... that look I'd give adults above a certain age, that never failed to let them know, that all I felt for them was pity. Pity, because they were old, because they just didn't know, because they didn't understand. I was the Queen of the world, untouchable, invincible and oh so very smart. I knew what was going on in the real world. Oldish adults were clearly out of the picture. Why? Because they were always home, raising kids or something like that. Not that I cared much.

I was raised by my parents to be polite. So I was. I was one of very few teens who were actually able to hold up their end of a conversation with an adult. But that just confirmed what I already knew... they were old and clueless. Yes, it was, at least for a while adults vs teens, with the teens winning overwhelming victory.

This ended, when I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand, at the very tender age of 19. While I was pro-choice, there was no way I could have had an abortion. And so I did, what would have inevitably happened sooner or later. I grew up. Two weeks before my 20th birthday I was no longer a careless teen, but a mother with responsibility. Sure, I was the youngest among my other mommy friends. But suddenly I belonged to the other side, and my teenage years were but a silly memory.
(No longer now. I happily remember my teenage years, and some of the very crazy things we did, and I'm glad we did them, because they ended too soon in my case.)

I'm not sure when exactly I started noticing pitiful looks from younger people. I seem to remember two young girls finding it amazingly humorous, that I was shopping in a store, they clearly defined as young and hip, which obviously I was not. I also frequently have a quick small talk with very young cashiers at stores or coffee shops, and really depending on what stupid thing slips out of my mouth, there it is... the pity. Sad old woman, trying to keep up with us young, cool people.

Last year my oldest daughter from Germany visited as every summer. She listened to a techno-version of "Poison". I was positively weirded out by it, but hey, I knew the song, so I sang along. My daughter listened in genuine admiration. "You know that song?" she asked, and it seemed for a little while, that my coolness could redeemed. I told her, that this song was at least 20 years old (MISTAKE NO. 1!!), and that I used to listen to it on my Walkman (MISTAKE NO. 2!!), and would she like to listen to the original version on youtube? (Alarm Bells are ringing! Red lights are flashing!!!). Hesitantly my daughter agreed. We went into my office, I typed in Alice Cooper (daughter's comment:"Her name is Alice Cooper?"), selected the right song, and played it. My poor daughter stared at the computer in complete disbelief and utter shock. Alice was a man. Alice was old, and he was ugly, and the song was ancient.... and so uncool. She did not listen all the way through, because she was convinced it would give her ear cancer.
She looked at me with great pity (flashback, here I come), patted my shoulder and said, "Never mind." She left the room laughing at her poor old mother. I finished watching and listening and singing, and I'm still convinced, that the original version is a gazillion times better than my daughter's boom boom version.

The fact is, it's happened. I have safely landed on planet "Ancientia", where I will vegetate for the rest of my sad little life. ;) And I can safely say, I am quite happy to be here, and I have zero desire to go back.

I'm the Torturess of the Gluteus Maximus

My husband's gluteus maximus that is. Apparently I give the man so much shit every morning, that I have earned this all new award. I believe I shall post it in my sidebar as a reminder of the great honor that was bestowed upon me.

This torturess would like to share something with you today:

Portland Family Magazine (page 14)

And for those of you who haven't seen it yet:

Goodness Magazine (page 32)

My Amazon Recommendations

Some of you may have noticed the little Amazon clickety thingy in the sidebar. Let me tell you a little bit about it. Besides the obvious beautiful side effect of earning me a few bucks on the side (no, I haven't made a dime yet, which is perfectly fine), I mostly put it there, to share my favorite reading list with the rest of the world.

I'm not very good at writing book reviews. I've never learned how to, and the one try I started, failed miserably. Turns out, not only book writing is hard work, but also book review writing. I swear. Try it. You don't know where to begin and where to end, and what to put in between. Or maybe you do, and I just lack this talent completely.

But I am very passionate about everything on that list, and it will grow continuously, as I add more books to the list. I may, every now and then, point out a book to you, when I think it's truly worth a read... like "Dumbing us down" by John Taylor Gatto. Fantastic read.

Recently I went to a Classical Educators meeting. It was fun and informative, and the ladies there recommended Leon Garfield's "Shakespeare Stories". I quickly skimmed through the pages of the book Gina had brought along with her, and I was a captured fan. Reader, I must confess, that I'm completely Shakespeare illiterate. I hated Shakespeare... mostly because I simply didn't get it, I admit. After school I never found a reason to read Shakespeare. Until now. Who knew that Othello could be interesting and even captivating? I'm hoping to instill a love for Shakespeare in my daughter with these stories. My son is a little young still. :)

So, go on and check out the link, and know that if you do decide to order, it will come back to me in the form of gift certificates to be used at Amazon for more fun books.

What I really wanted to say.... random ramblings

1. When did we decide that women had to go from swimsuits with skirts to tiny little nothings, only so we could return back to swimsuits with skirts? Seriously... just a few decades ago, swimsuits were unbelievably hideous. I'm sure you agree. Women, unlike men, enjoyed the great pleasure to wear suits complete with skirts (no, DRESSES!), so as not expose their legs, and head-condoms so as not to... uh... get wet hair? Swimsuits kept getting tinier, and one would wonder, why the wearer wore anything at all. I seem to remember a TV show in which the beach cops wandered around telling girls that at least 2/3 of their breasts needed to be covered. I'm sure those beach cops loved their jobs. Tragically some of us are returning to hideous one-piecers with attached skirts again, and considering the image we're all chasing, nobody is really surprised, that we're back to hiding our curves yet again. (I'm totally guilty of this by the way. I'm wearing a one piece suit with board shorts.)

2. Why are friendships between men and women such a big deal? In Germany I had a couple of really good guy friends. And I don't recall this being an issue at all. Yes, I even went out with them, WITHOUT my boyfriend/husband. No, I never slept with them. Why is it a taboo in this country? And if it's not a taboo where you live, then please do tell, so I can stop stereotyping and start hoping again. Can a married woman ever be friends with a married man and go out for a beer with him? It seems the answer is no. And just in case you were wondering: no, there is nobody in particular I'm talking about. I have no desire to go out with a married guy or single guy for that matter. It's just a question.

3. It appears that my son is not a very good only child. During my daughter's sleepover last night and this morning, little Blue Eyed Boy was unable to stop talking. The terrible thing is, I hardly remember any of it, because he just started rambling and made no sense at all. Must talk... must talk!!!

4. Why do news websites enable comments? Apparently the anonymity of the internet makes some unbelievably stupid people so brave, that they forget all manners. They comment on each and every article, and besides being stupid, they also don't know how to type. Don't these people have a life? Do they really just sit around all day, reading local news, waiting for an opportunity to talk trash?

5. Eight year old girls are in possession of secret switches, which they are able to flip at any given time. A simple request or "No, I'm sorry, you can't play on the computer tonight, because it's too late, and you didn't go to sleep until 1am last night" are reason enough to burst into tears, which ultimately result in the young Drama Queen to suffer from an oh so severe headache. She is at this moment contemplating her terrible fate. Me thinketh the child needs some sleep.

6. Red wine is truly the beverage of the Goddess. It is pearly, just a little spicy, and it has the amazing ability to keep your sanity at an acceptable level, while your eight year old Drama Queen rolls on the floor, going back and forth between crying bitter tears and giggling hysterically.

7. Evidently eight year old Drama Queens are contagious. It's a choir...

8. Barbie is 50. Amazing, how long this disproportionate chick has lasted. Amazing also, that I never owned one. Not a real one anyway. My parents gave me Petra dolls, which, according to my parents, looked just like Barbie... but they really didn't.
Over the years of course we've all learned that Barbie, if she was actually proportioned like that in real life, would fall flat on her face, which gives the feminists among us a little something to giggle. Well, Barbie's body has changed slightly. She still walks on her tippy toes, but her chest is noticably smaller, and her waist is not so small anymore. Of course there are now Bratz dolls instead, whose heads are larger than their entire upper bodies. Fortunately Toothless Fairy has decided she is no longer interested in Barbies and has no appreciation for Bratz dolls either.

May I introduce the first Barbie (coincidentally wearing a swimsuit).

Awards galore

Okay, I'll admit, that I was hoping for the "Smokin' Typewriter", because that is just about the coolest award around. Not to discount any other awards, but I love the typewriter. :)



I received this lovely award from Kelly at Heathen Family Revival. Thank you so much, Kelly.

Part of accepting this award is to google my name. Now there is a challenge like no other. My first name happens to be the word for an Indian tribe. So if all I type in is my first name, there will be a lot of that. And because learning is fun, here is some interesting stuff about me... or well... the tribe.

1. The Utes (/juːts/; "yoots") are an ethnically related group of American Indians now living primarily in Utah and Colorado.

2. It is believed that the Ute have been in this area for ten thousand years, which establishes them as far back as the Archaic-Desert culture

3. The Ute Indians lived apart from most tribes. They lived on the plains and in the mountains of an area covering about 150000 square miles.

4. UTE Microwave produces a broad range of ferrite devices for use in military, commercial, medical and scientific applications. (Uh... right.)

I'm going to give this award to three ladies, whose "typewriters" are smokin'!!

The Reluctant Blogger

Momma Bear

Rational Jenn

Monday morning

Waking up to snow on March 9th is so wrong on so many levels, I can't even begin to complain... and so I won't. But I'll be generous and share this not so lovely sight with all of you.



What I've been wanting to share with you for a while though is a date I had with my friends, the Shady Lady...


(she's a shady one, isn't she...)

and HerbiFaery...


(not so shady)

We created something called a Vision Board... Each had their own, and I must say, I was quite impressed with HerbiFaery's creativity, although I did know that she was a creative one, that HerbiFaery.
It was a lovely day with my friends. The kids played peacefully the entire time, and the Mimosas made the work oh so much more fun. The result of my own creativity is not exactly a masterpiece, I admit. But it captures all my visions, and it's hanging above my desk to admire every day. And because my desk is in the bedroom, I hung it in a corner where my husband's eyes are not constantly punished by this view. Wouldn't want to cause him eye cancer or something awful like that. ;)

Ruining the pancakes

The pancakes started out quite well. We used organic flour, organic (whole!) milk, organic eggs, coconut oil, sea salt and sugar. We sliced pieces of organic bananas into our organic mix. We whipped organic cream. We piled the pancakes high on our plates, and noticed we had run out of the good maple syrup. So we used the old "Light Reduced Calorie Butter Flavored Syrup - Artificial", with ingredients you couldn't pronounce if you tried. There is really only one thing in favor of this awful stuff. It wasn't made in China, but right here in the US.

I will admit that I only felt half guilty. The pancakes were deliciously light and fluffy, and there is nothing quite as good as warm bananas. I feel big and round now, and I believe I shall hit the gym soon.


Hey, don't forget to turn your clocks an hour forward. :)

Writing a book is hard work...

... and anyone who says differently is clearly not telling the truth. I have heard people say, that someday they'd like to take a break from their real work to do a little writing. "Maybe I'll write my memoirs or something like that." I used to think these people must be geniuses, because I sure as heck, don't just sit down and write a book. I've come to realize that most of these people actually won't follow through on this dream, and only very few of those who do try, will succeed.
The truth is, that writing is hard work for most people. I am still learning after two years of taking courses. And I believe I will never be done learning. I will always improve my skills. Besides obvious obstacles like a "language barrier", I find that if I am not super organized with my notes and other materials, I'll never finish my work.

Currently I'm working on a children's book. I have written a synopsis, a character development and an outline. I'm writing outlines for each chapter. I'm researching a few historical facts, and I'm just now getting started on chapter 1. I wrote one page yesterday and hated it. So I deleted it. Today I started over. I wrote two pages, and I'm still not sure what to think of it. But the fact is, this is just a first draft. The finished chapter will likely look quite different, and hopefully much better. I'm counting on my instructor to give me some guidance.

Writing articles, while they do require more research is easier. I don't have to go into too much detail as is the case with a fiction book. Plus, I really enjoy writing non-fiction I've found. I guess I'm lucky... because I've been asked by the editor of the magazine I wrote for before to write three more articles. I will be busy writing for them for the next three month. My second article for them has just been published, and I will post the link as soon as it is online.

Have a good night and wonderful weekend everyone. I shall go and do some writing now.

And the winners are.............

... well... wait a minute, not so fast. I have things to say, before announcing the winners. First of all, this was my first contest, and I will admit, that it's not an easy win. After all, if you wanted to win, you had to commit to posting the same thing on your blog with the promise to send 5 prizes to other bloggers, who comment on your blog. Give that a little thought, and pretty soon you realize, you have no idea what to make or when to make it... because you have work, a house, kids, hobbies, and your day ends after 24 hours just like everyone else's.

Hence the rather, uh, low participation of my first ever contest. Or maybe nobody read that particular blog entry. But I choose to believe, that my reason number 1 was the real problem. :)

My Five Alive blog post has 8 comments. Two came from me, one from the Shady Lady, who, as part of the Inner Circle is excluded from ever being the winner of anything. She'll just have to come to me and ask, if she wants anything. Yep, that's how well I treat my friends. I take friend applications right here, if you feel, you are worthy and can handle it. ;)
I'm digressing. Back to the post. It just so happens, that there are exactly 5 more posts, only two of which have officially entered the contest. The plan was to choose 5 winners. FIVE!

And that is why I decided to announce all 5 of those commenters to be the winners. Sooo, if you see your name on the list below, I request that you get in touch with me by e-mail, so you can send me your names and addresses.

Aliceson

Gina

Warren

Reluctant Blogger

Rachel

Congratulations to you, readers. And I promise, my next contest will be a much easier one to join. :)

I received an award

I was not a child to receive a bunch of awards. Every year in elementary school we'd have a sports fest, where we'd prove that we could run and jump and throw and such. Well, I could run, but not very fast, and I could jump, but not very far. You get the picture. I was tall but not athletic. I was a skinny little thing with no ambitions to become Germany's next Olympic athlete. In third grade I scored the lowest points possible to still earn an award. It was framed and hung on my wall.

Later I joined a swim team. My trainers loved my style, and if they had awarded prizes for pretty swimming... I would have won. I could also swim for a very long time. I still can. Give me a pair of goggles and I'll swim for hours without getting tired, bored maybe, but not tired. I still think they should invent an underwater ipod or something. But that's beside the point, isn't it.

This award is my second blogging award. And the way it's spelled I kind of wonder if it originated in Germany. That would make it an appropriate award for me. I received this award from Rachel at Reservation for Six. I am flattered, and yes, I was maybe a little bit teary eyed, when she wrote this about me:

Such Lovely Freckles - One of the very first blogs I started reading regularly. Freckle is beautiful, smart, incredibly sincere, a wonderful mother, excellent photographer and brilliant writer. I also consider her a good friend.

Wow, you see, it's happening again. Thank you so very much, Rachel. Someday we'll meet and I'll hug you.

The rule for accepting the Kreativ Blogger Award is to list 7 things I love, then pass the award along to 7 blogs that I love.

Here goes:

1. I absolutely love Ritter Sport German chocolate. Can't help it. I love it almost as much as Swiss Giandor and Pralinor, which I never get to eat anymore, which is cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me.

2. I love a big, fat thunderstorm after a long, hot day. I love the clouds brewing in the sky, the first distant roll of thunder, and then the big bangs, that are chased by lightning, that are chased by more big bangs, accompanied by an amazing downpour.

3. I love a walk in the World Forestry Center in the fall, when it's sunny. The blue sky, the colorful leaves, it brightens my day more than any other light.

4. I love my laptop. I do. It's tiny, fits in my purse, and I take it everywhere.

5. I love books. Rows of books, hundreds and thousands of them. And if Powells gave discounts to homeschoolers, I'd hang out there ALL the time.

6. I love to watch people. I could sit in a street cafe and watch people walking by all afternoon, trying to guess who they are, and what brings them here. And when I see couples I try to guess why they are together. ;)

7. I love being alone in a room. I could sit in a room by myself all day, writing, knitting, watching TV, or taking a nap. Now that my office is in the bedroom I can do all of these things. I like it.


And here are 7 blogs I like:

Mama Podkayne at My Total Perspective Vortex, because I think she truly is creative and sets a good example for not just her kids, but also her readers.

Shady Lady at My World Behind Big Shades, because she is genuine and kind with a heart the size of basketball, and because she totally deserves an award for her pink blog.

Judith Shakespeare at The Only Thing I know, because she is wickedly funny, and writes about things, I would never mention on my blog.

Lisa at Five Orange Potatoes, because, despite the fact that I don't know her well yet, it's easy to see that she's brilliant, funny, and I hear she's freckly too.

Rational Jenn, because I dig smart women, and I like her Objectivist Roundup.

Trisha Truly, because she has cabin fever and needs an award. ;) But she's also quite funny, and I love her blog.

Warren at My Home Among the Hills, because he's a guy, and I never gave an award to a guy. Plus I like his tomato picture. I love tomatoes.

"But Mom...

...if all the people are broke... and all the banks are broke too, where did all the money go?"

A valid question from my 8 year old Toothless Fairy. The very annoyed answer she got from almost 6 year old Blue Eyed Boy:

"Are we talking about the economy again???? I'm so bored with it. Make it go away."

All of this happened at Sweet Tomatoes last night, and the responses from surrounding tables were big grins all the way. :)

So how do you explain this to a child? Here is the answer.

Blogging madness - Five Alive

I picked this one up over at Mama Podkayne's, and I think it's a fabulous idea. So read on.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me. (Actually I'm going to change the rules on this one. The 5 comments with the very best reasons of why they should get something beautiful and handmade, will receive something beautiful and handmade by me!) I will try to make these tailored to those five people. The restrictions and limitations:
*I will make no guarantees that you will like what I make (although I'm pretty sure you'll like it).
*What I create will be just for you. (!!)
*You will have no clue what it will be.
*The catch is that you have to post this as well, if you expect me to do something for you. (This means, you post and offer to send something to 5 new people)
*I have to be able to afford the postage, if you live out of country. :)
* I (you) have until 2009 is up to complete (I'm think end of 2009 would be a little late, so I promise I'll send the gifts within two weeks!)
* Here is one I'm adding, because I need to know, in case you win... What is your favorite color (or color combination)?

Please link to your blog, if I don't know you, in case we are new friends.

Go ahead, reader... let me know, why you should be the lucky one to receive something special from me. :)

Rodeo pictures :)

I received a comment on my last post, that a rodeo might in fact be enjoyed for reasons other than cowboys... I promised I'll post pics of what else I saw at the rodeo last year. :) And here they are.
Yes, I know... not everybody's cup of tea. So please, if you don't think you can handle it, click the small "x" at the top right corner of your screen. :)

Wardrobe Wednesday

I went to my first Rodeo in Sisters, Oregon last year. And I must admit I loved it. I have some fantastic pictures. And I'm planning to go again this year. Of course I had to buy an appropriate hat for such an event.


And then I was ready to take in a few gorgeous looking guys on horses. Uhm... yeah!


Oh, and those without horses weren't so bad either.

Who am I?

A couple of people have brought it to my attention that I am no longer anonymous in the world wide web, one of whom is my husband, who is, understandably concerned for my safety. I am, of course, aware of the fact, that my name is well known to almost anyone who reads here. Plus, some of my readers are also friends of mine on Facebook. And I also post the links to magazines I am published in.

Yesterday we talked about potential employers who will do a quick Google search about potential employees, just to find out what it is these people do during their private time. If I did care at all, what a potential publisher (LOL) might think about my private life, I guess I'd be a little concerned. But the beautiful truth is, it is none of their business. And that goes for any employer too. I mean, how wrong is it for an employer to assume, that because Joe Smith likes to hang out at bars with his friends, he'll suck at his job? Shouldn't a resume with references be of much more value than whatever it says on this guy's Facebook profile?

Leaving all of that aside, I am probably as boring as a human being gets. There are no spicy pictures about me anywhere... really just some very goofy ones of me with a tutu on my head or some such thing. I am married, I have children, I live in Suburbia... and I drive, you guessed it, an SUV. (Shame on her!!) I am trying to be a writer, and a homeschooler, and I consistently try my luck at being a good friend. Nothing I say here or on Facebook is so personal, that I am afraid about anybody finding out about it. I am a friendly atheist. Everybody knows that too. :)

I guess, that leaves just one thing: identity theft. Yes, it happens to the best of us. And it would truly suck, if it did happen to me. But the fact is, it happens to Grandma, who has no internet access at all... and it happens to Joe Smith, who is on Facebook, Twitter, has 5 blogs, and posts his cellphone number on every possible internet website, just so he won't miss a single call.

This blog gets about 60 clicks a day. That's not terribly much. And somehow I can only hope, that those who read here, come in peace. I promise I come in peace too. :)