1. Chocolate and portion control are like fire and water. It is impossible to keep the friggin' fire burning if you pour a bucket of water on it. BUT with chocolate you can trick yourself. You can take out one bar of the hellish good stuff and put it in the cabinet. Then you can take the box with the rest of the hellish good stuff and take it to the garage, where you put it on the top shelf right above the car. You have to move the car and climb on a chair to reach the shelf. Portion control: check!
2. It is extremely annoying to have hellish good stuff sitting on the top shelf above a car. You can't sneak chocolate. Everyone will notice when you grab the keys and a chair to go into the garage.
3. Toothless Fairy has a boyfriend, who is so smitten with her, he calls her once a day and they talk about nothing. She has him on speaker phone, and this is what it sounds like. Usually they make a sound and the other one has to guess what sound it is. Once he scratched his head, and laughed his ass off, because she couldn't get it. But yesterday she played the piano for him, and he was genuinely impressed. It was so cute. (Oh, yes, they're 8! LOL)
4. Toothless Fairy has inherited her father's genes. She sits down at the piano and makes music. She doesn't read notes. She just plays and it sounds beautiful. I feel like a minority in this family of musicians. I love playing the piano, but I am lost without my sheet music.
5. Blue Eyed Boy is wondering if the tooth fairy comes twice. He's bargaining for one more visit. He was told that at a friend's house she comes for every lost tooth. I told him, it's a recession and the tooth fairy union was discussing this issue. He said, it would make sense, but they really should still come twice. I said this sounded reasonable. Of course he has to lose that tooth first.
6. Is it time yet for my soon-to-be sister-in-law to give birth yet? I mean I've waited for about a week now. How long does it take to bake a baby??? Flippin' November!!!!
7. Washing laundry is the most daunting task ever invented. Too many dirty clothes form a huge Mt Laundry, and no matter how many loads I do, the mountain keeps growing. I plead for "Do your own laundry". This plea is not well received by the rest of the family. I guess it will not be a plea next time but a command, followed by my refusal to wash anybody else's but my own laundry. Nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner. (Still not certain about the spelling of nee-ner!)
8. I totally think we should have maids and butlers again. Weren't those the days? I could be a homeschooling mother to my lovely brood, and a writer in my free time, and when I leave the room, my servants will clean up the messes I leave behind. Make it so!
9. When someone flushes the upstairs toilet you can hear it in the whole house (like right now). This is the most unpleasant sound I have ever heard, and it keeps me updated on the bodily functions of everyone in my family.
10. Overdue notices from the library are probably the most annoying thing ever. They always hit me by surprise, and I have no idea, how I managed, yet again, to forget returning our books. Is there anybody out there who has never had to pay a late fee? What is your strategy for returning books on time? Enlighten me. I'm sick of late fees.
11. Pancakes are delicious, but husbands who make pancakes, and who ask you a thousand questions about where everything can be found, make you want to jump up and do it yourself. (Which I won't, because I just don't want to.)
12. It's back to Village Home next week, and while I love Village Home, and the community, I am not ready to go back.
13. Husbands who make pancakes, look in the refrigerator and ask, "Do we really have just one egg?" are either blind or not very bright. "Yes, honey, we really have just one egg." "Well, this is impossible. Nobody can do anything with just one egg." (insert annoyed sigh by husband here)
14. Hello there, little squirrel, sitting over on that fence watching me. I'm sorry you're out in the rain. No, I won't feed you.
15. Husbands who make pancakes and decide to get annoyed by all the egg cartons on the fridge are irritating. Maybe I could ask him to go back to sleep. Nope, I'm not getting up. I'm just sitting here blogging.